新超完美告别
洛杉矶
加州 已故
汉堡-得来速
洗车
你想最后再看一下... Would you like to see before, you know...
好 Yeah.
布莱恩?这是谁? Brian? Who's this?
我爸死的时候,我也问过相同问题 You know, l asked myself the same thing when my dad passed.
我说:"这傢伙是谁?" l said, "Who is this man?"
不,布莱恩,棺材裡的人是谁? No, no, Brian. Who's this in the coffin?
-那不是我爸 -你确定? -Because that's not my father. -Are you sure?
你在问我 是否确定我爸的长相? Are you asking me if l'm sure l know what my father looks like?
不是的,亚伦 人们在悲伤时刻会弄错 No, people make mistakes in a time of grief, Aaron.
你自己看遗体,老兄 Look at the damn body, man.
哦,惨了 Oh, shit.
-裡面躺的是成龙! -好,听著... -You got Jackie Chan in there! -Okay, listen...
别这样,布莱恩 你知道我爸的长相 Come on, Brian. You know what my father looks like.
今天非常混乱 We are very scattered today.
这种事几乎不曾发生 This type of thing almost never happens.
-几乎不曾发生? -我说得太大声? -Almost never happens? -l said that out loud?
这不是汉堡王 你不能弄错我的东西 lt's not Burger King. You can't just mess up my order.
请冷静下来 我想我知道他在哪裡 Please, just calm down. l think l know where he is.
你想? You think?
如果一小时内我爸没躺在棺材裡 那你就代替他的位置 lf my dad's not in this coffin in one hour, then you have to take his place.
-懂了吗? -别担心,我会把他找回来 -You got it? -Don't worry. l'll get him back.
我保证,只有两个地方可能 我想是第二个地方 l promise that. He's in one of two places. l think it's the second place.
各位听好了,把这个收一下 关上这个 Listen, okay, guys? Let's pack this up. Close this.
我们走,快点离开这裡 Let's go, let's get out of here.
等等,在我们移走前... 好,我把钥匙给你了吗? Wait a minute, before we move... Okay. Did l give you my keys?
没有,在车上 我把钥匙忘在车上 No. They in the car. l left the damn keys in the car.
走吧,各位,我想就这样了 Let's go, guys. l think it's on.
如果你来这裡会紧张 一开始为何要来? lf you're so antsy about being here, why'd you come out in the first place?
-你知道为什麽 -我讨厌丧礼 -You know why. -l hate funerals.
全是死亡、死亡、死亡 All about death, death, death.
我认为丧礼不适合 像诺曼这种人 l don't think funerals are designed for anybody to like, Norman.
我想是吧 l suppose.
等我时候到了 我不想要一个平常的丧礼 l don't want a regular funeral when it's my time to go, you know.
我要有辉煌的一生 l want my life celebrated.
像安娜妮可史密斯、理查尼克森 某个有权有势的人 Like Anna Nicole Smith, Richard Nixon, somebody big and powerful.
我要我的丧礼 是史上最悲伤的一天 l want mine to be the saddest day ever.
股市应该会崩盘 工厂会关闭 Stock market should crash, factories shut down,
女孩在街上为我哭泣 girls crying in the streets.
像那样的事,有日蚀更好 That kind of thing. An eclipse would be nice.
-少来 -什麽? -Come on. -What?
有那麽多警告标示 你还抽烟啊? You still smoking after all of those warnings and stuff out there?
诺曼,住嘴好吗 你以前也抽的 No, Norman, stop, all right. You used to smoke.
我们以前都一起抽 We used to smoke together.
我以前会尿裤子 但现在不会了 l used to piss my pants and then l stopped.
我有自己的问题要烦恼 没空管你抽烟的事 l got my own problems to worry about without worrying about your damn smoking.
拜託,诺曼 你有什麽问题? Come on, Norman. What problems you got, man?
-我说过了,我的疹子! -办事要戴套,老爹 -l told you! My rash! -Got to use condoms, papa.
-手上的疹子啦 -那还是要戴套,诺曼 -On my hand, dude. -You still have to use a condom, Norman.
那是第一道防线 That's the first line of defense.
这玩意不正常,你看 This shit ain't normal. Look at it.
-妈的,那不是疹子 -你认为是什麽? -Fuck. That ain't a rash, man. -What you think it is?
不知道,但形状不对 l don't know, but it's very splotchy.
形状不对?我讨厌形状不对 我完了,我快死了! Splotchy? l hate splotchy. l'm gonna pass away, l'm gonna die!
-不会啦 -我还这麽年轻! -Nah. -And l'm so damn young!
他们弄错遗体了 They brought the wrong body.
亲爱的,妳听到了吗? 他们送错遗体了 Honey, did you hear me? They brought the wrong body.
天啊!他们知道他在哪裡吗? Oh, my God! Well, do they know where he is?
他们说知道 They think so.
我告诉过你 不要用马歇尔之家 l told you. l told you not to use the Marshalls,
但你偏偏要找相熟的 but, no, you wanted to keep it all in the neighborhood.
别吵这个,别在今天 我要烦的事太多了 Don't rub it in, not today. l got too much to worry about.
爸坚持在家办丧礼 现在我无处可逃 Dad insisted on having his funeral at home, so now l just can't escape it.
到处都是死亡 Death is everywhere.
宝贝,不是的 Baby, no. No, it's not.
妈哭个不停 Mom won't stop crying.
-莱恩也不帮忙 -他何时帮过了 -Ryan hasn't helped out. -Not like he ever does.
再加上我还要烦恼 悼文的事情 Plus on top of that, l got to worry about this whole eulogy thing.
我确定没人听过这麽棒的悼文 l am sure it'll be the best eulogy anybody's ever heard.
无所谓了 Doesn't matter.
大家都会纳闷 "为何不是莱恩来唸悼文? All anybody's gonna be thinking is, "Why isn't Ryan doing the eulogy?
"你退下,让大作家说几句话" "Step aside and let the writer say a few words."
就连我也这样想 Even l'm gonna be thinking it.
那你干嘛不让他做? Why don't you just let him do it then?
现在妳要让莱恩唸悼文? So, now you want Ryan to do the eulogy?
不,我只是说... No. l'm just saying...
妳刚刚说妳要听莱恩的悼文 You're just saying that you wanna hear Ryan's eulogy.
不,你是长子,所以... No. You're the oldest, so...
所以我该负责的唯一理由 是我比较老 So, the only reason l should do it is because l'm old.
亚伦,冷静下来 Aaron, calm down.
我认为你和你弟弟一样 是个好作家 l think that you are every bit as good a writer as your brother.
你只需要让别人读读你的书 l just think that you need to let someone actually read your book.
我还没写好 lt's not ready yet.
好吧,但是别忘了 下星期我们要交屋 Okay, fine. But don't forget, we close on the house next week.
-我知道 -我喜欢你妈妈 -l know. -l mean, l love your mom,
但我等不及要搬家了 but l am so ready to move.
我知道,蜜糖 但我们先熬过今天如何? l know, honey, but we just got to get through today, okay?
没错 Exactly.
我知道这很难 l know this is rough.
但今天是排卵期的最后一天 But it's the last day of my cycle.
我都37岁了,我们必须试试 And l'm 37 years old, so we need to try to,
今天至少要试著做一次,好吗? you know, we need to do it, at least once today, okay?
-宝贝 -啥? -Babe. -Yeah?
妳只能暂时忘了排卵期 You're gonna have to switch that cycle down to low for now, just for now.
我们先找到遗体再说吧? Can we at least find the body first?
-你还好吗? -很好啊 -Are you okay? -Yeah, absolutely.
好吧...我有点紧张 Okay, l'm a... l'm a little nervous.
为什麽?因为又要见到我爸? Why, because you're gonna see my dad again?
以前没有人这麽公然讨厌我 l just don't think l've ever been so openly hated by anyone before.
我的国中同学都没那麽坏 Even my seventh graders aren't that mean.
我想他今天比较在意 他弟弟的丧礼,而不是... l think he's gonna be more concerned today that his brotherjust died than be...
-宝贝 -抱歉,宝贝,塞车啦 -Babe. -l'm sorry, baby. lt's the traffic.
好吧,反正当我告诉他 我们要结婚时 Right. Anyway, when l tell him that we're getting married,
他就必须接受你,我... he's just gonna have to accept you. l...
-天啊!妳还好吗? -我的天 -Jesus! Are you okay? -Oh, my God.
-你真混蛋! -死贱人! -You asshole! -Fuck you, bitch.
对,比中指啊 你没看到塞车啦? Oh, yeah, flip me off. Can't you see there's a traffic jam?
瞧妳横眉竖目的 妳爸会杀了我 You poke your eye out, your father's gonna kill me.
-奥斯卡,宝贝 -嗯 -Oscar, baby. -Yes.
-看著我 -好 -Look at me. -Okay.
-别紧张好吗? -好 -Relax. Okay? -All right.
不会有事的,好吗?深呼吸 Everything is fine. Okay? Breathe.
好 Okay.
-好点没? -好多了 -Better? -Better.
很好,没事的 Oh, good. lt's okay.
去你的! Fuck you!
你会发现一切都在掌控之中 l think you'll find that everything is in perfect order.
好,现在你要讲求专业了 Oh, so, now you wanna be professional.
你钥匙拿了吧?黑莓机呢? You got your keys? You got your BlackBerry?
因为我们埋葬他以后 可不会再把他挖出来 Because once we bury him, we not gonna dig him back up
好让你有话题上网聊 just so you can tweet.
我尽全力了,好吗? Look, l'm trying, okay?
你妈还好吧?亚伦 Hey, how is your mother holding up, Aaron?
她很好,身体很硬朗 She's fine. She's in great health.
-这裡没生意可拉了 -很好 -There's no more business here. -Good.
你的罗素叔公呢? 他似乎不太好 What about your Uncle Russell? He wasn't doing that well.
-他好吗? -拜 -How's he doing? -Bye.
好,只是随口问问 随便聊聊而已 Okay, l'm just asking. lt's conversation, that's all.
我随时听候你差遣 谢谢你 l'm here if you need me, you know that. Thank you for everything.
-蜜雪儿,过来 -拜,布莱恩 -Michelle, come here. -Bye, Brian.
妳不要也行 You don't have to come.
我只想说,大家都知道 肯德鸡的炸鸡配方 l'm just saying, everybody knows that the Colonel stole that recipe
是从一个叫朱巴莱的奴隶偷来的 for fried chicken from a slave named Jubalai.
他们的凉拌捲心菜是不错 其他没什麽 Now, l give him credit for the coleslaw, but that's it.
嘿,兄弟!你好吗? Hey, buddy! How you doing?
我需要你帮忙去接罗素叔公 l need a favor. l need you to pick up Uncle Russell.
对,我知道很讨厌 但你是最近的 Yeah, l know it's a hassle, but you're the closest.
-讨厌!他总是闹情绪 -答应他你会去,我们会去 -Damn! He's always in a bad mood. -Just say you'll do it. We'll do it.
这不是情绪问题 他的个性就是这样,你可以吗? lt's not a mood if he's always in it. lt's his personality. Can you do it?
好啦,我去接 All right, l'll do it.
嘿,妈妈,妳还好吧? Hey, Mama. How you holding up?
我们还有好多事想做 There were so many things we wanted to do still.
旅行 我们打算去澳洲和中国的 Travel. We were going to Australia and China.
他想去泰国 He wanted to go to Thailand.
拜託,妈 妳才不会飞25个小时去那边 Oh, come on, Ma, you're not gonna fly 25 hours.
那不是重点 我一直觉得很糟 That's not the point. l haven't been feeling well.
谁知道少了他,我还能活多久? Who knows how long l'm gonna live without him?
如果有个孙子,可能就不一样 lt might make a difference if l had a grandchild
可以让我不再胡思乱想,但... who could take my mind off of everything, but...
-哦,好吧 -辛西雅,我们在努力了 -Oh, well. -Cynthia, we are trying.
我知道妳在努力,蜜雪儿 从早到晚都在努力 l know what you're trying to do, Michelle, all hours of the day and night, trying.
但好像不管用,是吗? But it doesn't seem to be working, now does it?
-莱恩呢?你和他谈过没? -他应该快到了 -Where's Ryan? Have you talked to him yet? -He should be here soon.
只要看到他 我就会觉得好多了 Just to see his face would make me feel so much better.
哦,我好想念我的宝贝儿子 Oh, l have missed him so much. My baby.
需要我帮什麽忙吗?辛西雅? Do you need me to do something, Cynthia?
别碰我先生的棺材 You could take your hand off my husband's coffin.
妳留下一个污痕了 You are leaving a smudge mark.
她在对我们比中指吗? 还是挥手而已? ls she shooting us the finger? Or is she just waving?
很好,小姐!谢谢! That's nice, ladies! Thank you!
-他在那裡 -什麽? -There he is. -What?
-他没事 -他需要协助吗? -He's okay. -He's gonna need assistance?
他只是脾气不好 He's just grumpy.
你应该知道怎麽应付他 You got to know how to handle him.
哦,他看起来人很好 Oh, he looks kind of sweet.
-嗨,罗素叔公! -嗨,罗素叔公! -Hi, Uncle Russell! -Hi, Uncle Russell!
记得我吗?我是诺曼 You remember me? l'm Norman.
我来接你去参加丧礼 l came to pick you up and take you to the funeral.
你跑哪去了?死胖子 再拖久一点,连我也死了! Where the fuck you been, you fat bastard? You took any longer, l'd be dead, too!
该死,幸好你知道怎麽应付他 Shit, good thing you know how to handle him.
你想坐前座吗? Would you like to ride shotgun?
别玩了好吗? Stop the game, all right?
...炸到你屁股开花 ...take this missile in your ass.
-听好 -对,药丸,我带了 -Listen. -Yes, the pills. l have them.
-就在这裡 -好,我可以过去拿吗? -They're right here. -All right, cool. Can l come and get them?
-我要去参加丧礼,可恶! -不管,我过去找你 -l have a funeral to go to. Shit! -Whatever. Man, I'II come over there.
-该死 -你试过吗? -Fuck. -Did you try them?
不,我才不要试,那是我做的 No, no, l'm not gonna try them. l made them.
但那玩意很好吧?爽吗? But they're good, right? The stuff's good?
我要走了 绝不能嗑自己做的药 l got to go. Never get high on your own supply.
老兄,这玩意会让你飞上天 我保证 And, dude, this shit's gonna blow your mind, l guarantee it.
你会爱死它的,我要走了,拜 You'll love it. All right, got to go. Bye.
你一定要半裸著身体开门吗? Do you always open the door half naked?
快点,杰夫,我们会迟到的 Come on, Jeff, we're gonna be late.
我穿上裤子就走了 All l got to do is just put some pants on.
这是我家啊,所以... 你好吗?老兄 And this is my house, so... You all right, man?
-他很好,只是吓坏了 -他还好吧? -He's fine. He's just freaking out. -ls he okay?
-我们差点被撞,我破口大骂 -这傢伙就衝过来 -A car almost ran into us, and l was yelling. -And this guy just jumped right in our lane.
-我没看到他 -他真的是 -l didn't see him. -He did, he totally did.
-抱歉,宝贝... -宝贝,没事了 -l'm sorry, baby, l... -No, baby, it's fine. lt's fine, okay?
你们真好笑,嘿,这样如何? You guys are funny. Hey, what do you think?
-对,不好? -不 -Yes, no? -No.
-拜託去穿裤子 -好啦 -Go put on your pants, please. -All right.
要穿黑裤子,杰佛瑞! And make sure they're black, Jeffrey!
好啦,老妈 Okay, Mom.
-我好饿 -天啊,我心脏跳得好快 -l'm so hungry. -God, my heart is racing.
不知道我是怎麽了 l don't know what's wrong with me.
安定10毫克 Oh, here. Take this one. lt'll calm you down. Jeff won't mind.
这裡,吃一颗吧 你会冷静下来,杰夫不会介意的
什麽意思,吃一颗? 那是什麽? What do you mean, take one of those? What is that?
是安定镇定剂,我常吃的 我保证你会觉得舒服些 lt's Valium. l used to take it all the time. lt's gonna make you feel better, l promise.
-安定,妳确定? -对 -Valium, are you sure? -Yeah.
-对 -我不该乱吃 -Yes. -You know, l shouldn't be taking
别人的药吧? someone else's pills, right?
-不,没关係 -我还要开车... -No, it's okay. -l got to drive and...
宝贝,我来开,好吗? 张开嘴,吃吧... Babe, l'll drive. All right? Just open wide. There we go. Take...
我们走吧 Let's do this.
-我的钥匙 -杰夫,你穿球鞋? -Oh, my keys. -Jeff, you're wearing sneakers?
-是黑的,伊莲 -但那是球鞋,杰夫 -They're black, Elaine. -But they're sneakers, Jeff.
我不穿球鞋 他就会活过来啊? ls he gonna be any less dead if l'm not wearing sneakers?
-算了,走吧,给我... -不,我来开 -Forget it. Let's just go. Can l just... -No, l got it.
好 Okay.
-快点,杰夫 -来了 -Come on, Jeff. -l'm coming. l'm coming.
-我们在等你 -糟了! -We're waiting. -Oh, shoot!
我还是不敢相信他走了 l still can't believe he's gone.
妳没生过孩子 就不会了解死亡 You can't understand death until you've given life.
-嘿,妈妈 -莱恩,我的宝贝! -Hey, Mama. -Ryan, my baby!
嘿 Hey.
妈,我知道这很难 但终归会没事的 Mama, l know this is hard, but it's gonna be okay,
我们会熬过去的 and we're gonna get through it.
哦,莱恩 你总是知道该说什麽! Oh, Ryan, you always know exactly what to say, always!
如果每个星期都有人死掉 就能常常看到你了 l guess if people died every week, we'd see you all the time.
-嘿,大哥,你好吗? -还在撑 -Hey, big bro. How you doing? -Holding up.
-飞行还顺利吧?莱恩 -还好 -How was your flight, Ryan? -lt was okay.
但我必须买下隔壁的座位 我受不了和人閒聊 But l had to buy the seat next to me. l just can't do the small talk anymore.
尤其是坐头等舱 一群穷人就这样走过去 And while l'm sitting there, up in first class, they march all the broke people through.
许多人斜眼瞄我 看我在吃美味花生就火大 And a couple of them eyeballing me, mad because l'm snacking on warm nuts.
我一副"快把没花生吃的穷人 带到飞机后面" So l'm like, "Take your broke, no-nuts ass to the back of the plane."
此外气流很不稳定 Plus, there was tons of turbulence,
但我猜坐头等舱就是这样 but l guess that's the thing about flying first class.
不管付多少钱 万一飞机失事,还是照死不误 No matter how much you pay, if the plane crashes, you still end up dead.
-照死不误! -我去看看她 -End up dead! -l'll make sure she's okay.
-拜託 -照死不误! -Please. -End up dead!
你总是知道该说什麽 You always knowjust what to say.
是我不好 My bad.
嘿,我喜欢你来参加家庭聚会 Hey. l love it when you come to family functions, man.
因为老爸会把全部的愤恨 都发洩在你身上 Because Dad takes his pure hate out on you.
-杰夫 -开玩笑的,奥斯卡 -Jeff. -l'm joking. Oscar.
你还好吗? You okay?
刚刚有隻狗吗? Was there a dog in here just now?
-什麽? -什麽? -What? -What?
好像是大麦町或德国猎犬 Like a Dalmatian or a Schnauzer?
-亲爱的,你在说什麽? -我不知道 -Honey, what are you talking about? -l don't know.
真可惜要等到有人死了 才能让家人相聚 lt's just a shame that somebody has to die to get the family together.
看到爸这样真难过 他到了更好的地方,对吧? lt was hard to see Dad like this. He's in a better place now, right?
-他病了很久 -什麽时候死亡胜过生病了? -He was sick a long time. -Since when does dead beat sick?
你懂我的意思 所以我不想和人太接近 You know what l mean. This is why l try not to get close to people.
-太多情感牵绊了 -难怪你不曾打个电话 -Too much emotion involved. -Guess that's why you never call.
有些家人经常见面 有些只在丧礼碰头 Some families see each other all the time, some meet up at funerals.
我们就是这样 That's just us.
听著,我知道现在不是时候 但我真的需要那笔钱 Hey, listen, l know this is a bad time, but l'm gonna need that money.
-该死 -我们该分摊费用吧? -Shit. -We're splitting these costs, right?
好,但我现在没钱 Okay. But l don't have it right now.
你现在没钱是什麽意思? What the fuck you mean, you don't have it right now?
你还多买一张头等舱机票 给你的牙刷坐 You just bought a first class ticket for your toothbrush.
我没有现金,真的 l don't have any cash. Honest.
市场崩盘我损失了一堆钱 l lost a lot of shit when the market collapsed.
所以如果你不介意 我们晚点再谈 So, if you don't mind, we gonna have to discuss this later.
-不,现在就谈 -嘿,拜託一下? -No, no, no, no, let's discuss this right now. -Hey, you mind?
我在哀恸中 l'm grieving.
这麽多车子 Look at all these cars.
参加丧礼要早点到 You got to get to these funerals early.
拜託,没地方停了啦 Come on. There's nowhere to park.
-什麽?那裡有空位,快点 -太靠近转角了 -What? There's a spot right there. Grab it. -That looks like it's too close to the corner.
-不,没事啦,快去 -我不想在今天收到罚单 -Nah. You can wedge it in there. Grab it. -l don't need a ticket today.
你不会收到罚单的 你就去... You're not gonna get a ticket. Would you just...
不会有事啦,快去停 You're gonna lose it. Grab it.
诺曼!唉呀,看到没? Norman! Come on. Now, see?
伊莲!我本来要停的 Elaine! l was gonna park there.
抱歉,诺曼,你是家属吗? Oh, l'm sorry, Norman. Are you family?
-不,但我就像家人一样 -哦,没这回事 -No, but l'm like family. -Oh, honey, there's no such thing.
-伊莲 -天啊 -Elaine. -Oh, God.
-嘿 -你来做什麽? -Hey. -What are you doing here?
妳爸爸邀请我 Well, your father invited me.
我以为妳需要一个肩膀哭泣 Thought you might need a real shoulder to cry on.
-少来这套,走吧,奥斯卡 -那傢伙是谁? -Oh, please. Come on. Oscar. -Who the fuck's that?
他...走吧,宝贝,我们到了 He... Come on, honey. We're here.
-你还好吧? -走吧 -You all right? -Come on.
我们到了? We there?
-对 -可恶,我接了罗素叔公 -Yeah. -Damn. l got Uncle Russell.
我怎麽忘了罗素叔公? How could l forget about Uncle Russell?
我说这是怎麽回事? 到底怎麽了? l said what's happening? What the hell is going on?
这傢伙在做什麽? What the fuck's this guy doing?
这裡好绿,对吧? 真是绿油油啊 lt's very green here, isn't it? lt's, like, so green.
哇,就好像... 我好像身在一颗莱姆裡面 Like, God, wow, it's like... lt's like l'm inside a lime.
-奥斯卡? -什麽? -Oscar? -Yes?
-看著我 -好 -Look at me. -Okay.
嗨,你还好吗? Hi. Are you all right?
好啊,怎麽了? Yeah, why?
一下子是狗 一下子又是绿油油 All this stuff about dogs and things being green.
到底怎麽了? What's going on?
妳在说什麽? 我很好,绿到不能再绿了 What are you talking about? l'm fine. l've never been greener.
杰夫,你看看 Jeff, look at this.
-哈囉 -奥斯卡怎麽了? -Hello. -What's wrong with Oscar?
-我不知道 -你们继续弹奏吧 -l don't know. -You guys keep playing.
天啊,是安定 Oh, my God. lt's the Valium.
-安定? -我在乐队中呢 -Valium? -l'm in the band.
我给他一颗你的安定镇定剂 l gave him one of your Valium.
他可能不习惯药性 He's probably not used to it.
-对,没错 -我知道你在看我 -Yeah, right. -l know you were looking.
他要去哪裡? Where's he going?
-奥斯卡! -该死 -Oscar! -Shit.
-你走错路了,笨蛋! -很痛耶! -You're going the wrong way, dumbass! -That hurts!
-停车,诺曼 -什麽? -Stop the car, Norman. -What?
停车!我要下车和她谈谈 Stop the car! l'm getting out. l got to talk to her.
我必须和伊莲谈谈,停车 l got to speak to Elaine. Stop the car.
罗素叔公怎麽办? What about Uncle Russell?
-我需要你帮忙 -这是哪裡? -l need you to help... -Where are we?
-我们要迟到了,胖子! -可恶! -We're gonna be late, fattie! -Damn it!
罗素叔公,你打中我的要害 Uncle Russell, you hit me in my splotch.
你一定要住手,罗素叔公 不然下一个死的就是你 You got to stop this, Uncle Russell, or you gonna be in a box next.
-嘿,妳好吗? -谢谢 -Hey, how you doing? All right. -Thank you.
这些人是谁? 我有一半以上不认识 Who are these people? l don't recognize half of them.
是你的亲人,你不记得 上次丧礼看过他们? lt's your family. You don't recognize them from the last funeral?
他是哪一边的亲属? What side of the family is he on?
可能是爸工作上的朋友 Probably a friend of Dad's from work.
丧礼看起来很不错 你办得很好 You know, the funeral looks good. You did a good job.
不,我们办得很好 No, we did a good job.
你是说我必须负担 整个丧礼的费用? Are you telling me l got to pay for the whole funeral?
我是说现在必须请你先付清 l'm saying you gonna have to pay for the whole thing now.
好吗,几个月之后 我就可以预支下一笔稿费 All right, just for a few months, till l get my next advance.
我算什麽?信用合作社啊? What am l, a damn credit union?
妈的!搞什麽鬼? 天杀的! Goddamn, man! What the fuck? Jesus Christ!
嗨,兄弟,你们还好吧? Hello, boys. How you holding up?
我们很好 We're doing pretty good.
只是等客人再到齐一点 就可以开始了 We just got to wait for a few more people to come and then we can start.
见过我弟弟莱恩吗? Have you met my brother, Ryan?
那个作家?天啊! The writer? Oh, man!
我必须告诉你 You know, l got to tell you,
我特别指名今天的工作 就是为了要见你 l squeezed this job in today because l really wanted to meet you.
我才刚刚读完《妈妈的秘密》 Listen, l just finished reading Momma's Secret.
不要告诉别人 But, listen, that'll be our little secret,
因为我不该读这类的东西 你懂吧? because l'm not supposed to be reading that kind of stuff, you know?
嗯,我确信上帝会原谅你的 Right. Well, l'm sure the Lord'll forgive you.
-我等不及听你致悼词了 -事实上是由我来致词 -l can't wait to hear your eulogy. -Actually, l'm doing the eulogy.
-哦,我以为... -嗯,因为亚伦是长子 -Oh, l thought... -Well, Aaron's the oldest, technically.
真的? Really?
-我的辛西雅好吗? -哦,邓肯 -How's my little Cynthia? -Oh, Duncan.
哦,看看你 Oh, look at you.
我正在努力应付呢 l'm just trying to hold it all together.
他是个好丈夫 也是两个儿子的好爸爸 He was a good husband and a great father to two healthy, strong boys.
为什麽他们自己 却决定不生孩子呢? Why they have decided not to have children of their own
-我真不懂 -辛西雅 -is beyond me. -Cynthia.
您要喝点咖啡吗? Can l get you some coffee?
咖啡的功能是很多,蜜雪儿 但无法让人死而复生 Coffee may do many things, Michelle, but it does not bring back the dead.
茶呢? Tea?
-嘿,莱恩 -嘿 -Hey, Ryan. -Yeah.
我必须看一下讲稿 帮我找罗素叔公好吗? l got to go over the speech. Could you look out for Uncle Russell?
看看玛蒂娜 那个小妞长大了呢 Look at Martina. Man, that girl is all grown up.
拜託,小玛蒂娜? 她还在唸高三吧 Come on, man. Little Martina? She's, like, in the 1 2th grade.
嗯,她也许还唸高三 但那屁股可是研究所的 Yeah, well, she may be in 1 2th grade, but that ass is in grad school.
-总之... -我该去问候她一下 -Anyway... -l should go see how she's doing.
只是敦亲睦邻一下 You know, that's just being neighborly.
对,应该的 Yeah, you just do that.
-看她是否需要喝点果汁 -老哥! -See if she needs a juice box or something. -Man!
"我爸爸是非常杰出的人 "My father was an exceptional man.
-"他生于19..." -1938年 -"He was born in 1 9..." -1 938.
嗨,亚伦 Hi, there, Aaron.
嗨,近来好吗? Hi. How's it going?
很遗憾听到你爸的事 他常提到你 l'm so sorry to hear about your dad. He talked about you a lot.
他提过我吗?抱歉,我是法兰克 Did he ever mention me? l'm sorry. Frank.
好像没有 Not really.
亲爱的,过来一下好吗? Honey. Can l see you for a moment?
等一下,我必须走了,法兰克 One second. l got to go, Frank.
谢谢你过来 Thanks for coming, though.
小心我的轮椅!别撞到边缘了 Be careful with my shit! Don't bang up the rims.
快点啦!我们迟到了! Hurry up now! We're late!
听著,我们必须办完那件事 记得吗? Listen, we still need to finish that thing, remember?
拜託,宝贝 我现在真的没心情 Oh, come on, baby, l'm just not in the mood right now.
我没有穿内裤哦 l'm not wearing any panties.
-嘿,我爸死了耶,快穿上内裤 -我只想帮忙 -Hey, my father's dead. Put some panties on. -l'm trying to help here.
拜託,宝贝 我真的很想快点有宝宝 Please, honey, l really wanna make this baby thing happen, so, come on.
-我们有五分钟 -嘿、嘿、嘿 -We've got five minutes. -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-什麽事? -别...别盯著看 -What? -Don't... Don't... Don't stare.
下面有个傢伙... 别看、别看 There's a guy down there... Don't look, don't look.
...穿著皮夹克那个 不断打探我 ...in a black leatherjacket who keeps checking me out.
好,我看到他了 怎样? All right, okay, l see him. What?
-别盯著看 -我没有啊 -Don't stare, don't stare. -l'm not staring.
妳认识他吗? You recognize him?
不认识 但他一定是你爸的朋友 Well, no, but, l mean, he must be a friend of your father's.
现在我必须去查看食物了 Now l got to go and check the food.
嘿!先穿上内裤 再去料理食物 Hey! Put some panties on before you touch the food.
穿大件一点的 Big ones.
-看啊! -他现在到更好的地方了 -Look! Look. -But, you know, he's in a better place.
这不是很美吗?它还会唱歌呢 lsn't it beautiful? Plus, it sings.
-对,没错 -我们裡面见 -Yep. lt's right there. -l'll see you inside.
-就在那裡 -是比吉斯的歌 -lt's right there. -lt's the Bee Gees.
-真不错,伊莲 -谢谢你的光临 -Sounding great. Elaine. -Thank you so much for coming.
-对,裡面,怎麽了? -听著,妳听好 -Hi, inside, yes. What? -Listen, listen, listen, listen.
-我必须告诉妳一件事 -好啊 -Okay. l got to tell you something, all right? -Okay.
我先警告妳,妳听了可能不高兴 And l'm just warning you right now that you're not gonna like it.
亚伦 Aaron.
-邓肯伯父 -我们会准时开始吧? -Uncle Duncan. -How are we doing on time?
是这样的,只要罗素叔公一到 我们就开始了 You know what, as soon as Russell gets here, we'll be ready to go.
好,为什麽我听说 莱恩不上台致词呢? Fine. So, what's this nonsense l hear about Ryan not saying a few words?
我提议要致悼词 但亚伦是长子 l offered to do the eulogy, but Aaron's the oldest.
我想他会讲得很棒的 l'm sure it's gonna be one of a kind.
这样太可惜了 lt's a real shame.
我相信你的致词不错,亚伦 但莱恩是我们家的作家 l mean, l'm sure you'll do fine, Aaron, but with Ryan being the writer in the family.
我也是作家啊 You know, l'm a writer, too.
我们都会写支票 但你弟弟是真正的作家 Well, we all write checks. Your brother is an author.
我先失陪了 Excuse me?
邓肯伯父,我必须问你一个问题 Uncle Duncan, l have to ask you a question.
-好的 -玛蒂娜 -Okay. -Martina.
小玛蒂娜? Little Martina?
嗯,她和我们没有血缘关係吧? Well, she's not actually related to us or anything, is she?
没有,她只是我们家族的朋友 No. No, no, no. She's just a family friend.
哦,太好了 Oh, good, good.
-什麽叫那不是安定? -嗯,说来有趣 -What do you mean, it's not Valium? -Well, it's interesting.
妳以为那是安定 其实并不是 What you thought was Valium is actually not Valium.
-唉呀 -那是什麽?杰夫 -Yikes. -What is it, Jeff?
是一种迷幻药 lt's like a hallucinogenic.
-梅斯卡灵、快乐丸、K他命 -什麽? -Mescaline, acid, Special K. -What?
装在小药罐裡面 Served up in a little pill bottle.
-天啊,这不好笑 -是不好笑 -Oh, my God. This isn't funny. -No, it's not, it's not funny at all.
-看看他 -天啊 -Look at him. Look at him. -Oh, my God.
-他亢奋到不行 -这... -He's high as a kite. -What...
那傢伙超亢奋的 The man is clearly high.
你干嘛把这玩意放在家裡? What are you doing with this stuff in the house?
我是药学系学生,小莲 l'm a pharmacology student, Laney.
首先,是谁闯进我家 And first of all, who just waltzes up in someone's apartment
随便乱翻药剂的? and just starts popping pills?
-我以为那是安定啊 -是啊 -Well, l thought it was Valium. -Clearly.
我该怎麽做?要告诉他吗? What should l do? Should l tell him?
不、不,他会吓坏的 No, no, no. That'll just freak him out.
-好吧 -不会有事的,好吗? -Okay. Okay. -You know, this is gonna be fine. Okay?
别让他和在场的任何人 讲太久的话 Don't let him spend too much time talking to any one person.
-好 -也别让他和树说话 -Okay, okay. -Or bush.
他在树丛裡 He's in a bush right now.
好,奥斯卡?过来 你要去哪裡? Okay, Oscar? Honey. Come back. Where are you going?
杰佛瑞,帮我 Jeffrey, help me.
奥斯卡、奥斯卡 Oscar. Oscar.
哦,天啊 Oh, man.
救我!我的命根子啊 Help me! My groin.
待会就是你的头了 快点,快赶不上丧礼了 lt's gonna be your head in a minute. Hurry up, we gonna be late for the funeral.
等我把你推上这山坡 My scrotum is gonna look like a duffle bag
我的阴囊会肿得像行李袋 旁边挂著两颗保龄球 with two bowling balls in it when l get up this hill with you.
你的脑袋就像那样 That's what your brain is.
妈的 Fuck.
嘿 Hey.
奥斯卡、奥斯卡 Oscar. Oscar.
哦,爸爸,嗨 Oh, Dad. Hi.
你好吗? How are you?
想到我们是来参加我弟弟的丧礼 我还算不错 Not too bad, considering we're at my brother's funeral.
-对、对 -嘿,老爸 -Yes, yes, we are. -Hey, Pop.
-嘿 -你好吗?看起来不错 -Hey. -How you doing? You look good.
培普丹大学唸得如何? How're they treating you over there at Pepperdine?
很好,别替我担心 Good. You know, don't worry about me.
-我才不担心你呢 -奥斯卡 -l'm not worried about you. -Oscar.
好,奥斯卡、奥斯卡 Good. Oscar, Oscar.
-妳带朋友来了 -他不是朋友,是我男朋友 -So, l see you brought your friend. -He's not my friend, he's my boyfriend.
医生!很高兴见到你 Doctor! Good to see you.
-我感到很遗憾,先生 -德瑞克,真高兴你赶来了 -l'm extremely sorry, sir. -Derek. Glad you could make it.
谢谢,伊莲,嗨 Thank you. Elaine. Hello.
所以我的证券投资还好吗? So, how's everything going with my portfolio?
再好不过了,先生 Could not be better, sir.
事实上我们该聚聚 打场高尔夫 ln fact, we should get together and play a round of golf
我可以报告所有的细节 and l'll tell you all about it, every last detail.
-太棒了 -是啊 -Happily. -Great.
-也许伊莲也可以加入 -太棒了 -Maybe Elaine would join us. -Wonderful.
来个三人行 Make it a threesome.
-伊莲! -哦,辛西雅婶婶 -Elaine! -Oh, Aunt Cynthia.
真遗憾艾德华叔叔的事 l'm so sorry about Uncle Edward.
-我们会很想念他的 -杰夫,穿球鞋啊 -We're gonna miss him so much. -And Jeff, sneakers.
他买给我的、他买给我的 He bought them for me. He bought them for me.
天啊,辛西雅婶婶,这是奥斯卡 Oh, gosh. Aunt Cynthia, this is Oscar.
很遗憾死亡的事 l'm so sorry about the death.
-哦,没关係 -抱歉 -Oh, it's okay. -Sorry.
奇异恩典... Amazing grace...
何等甘甜! How sweet the sound, yeah!
拯救了无助... That saved a wretch like...
很高兴见到你们两个 Very nice to see both of you.
-很高兴见到妳,辛西雅婶婶 -抱歉,女士,真抱歉 -lt's nice to see you, too, Aunt Cynthia. -So sorry, ma'am, so sorry.
-爸、爸 -辛西雅 -Dad, Dad. -Cynthia.
-好,我们要拟个计画 -对,没错 -Okay, so we need a plan. -Yes, we do.
他在做什麽? What is he doing?
-我爱妳 -天啊 -l love you. -Oh, God.
我的天 Oh, my God.
快点!用力推,你这娘娘腔 Come on! Push, you pussy. Lard-ass.
-你刚放屁啊?老头 -用力推啦 -Did you just fart, old man? -Put your butt in it.
-嘿 -天啊 -Hey. -Oh, God.
我听说订婚的事了,伊莲 l heard about the engagement, Elaine.
-你怎麽... -对,我知道 -How did you... -Yeah, l did.
我今天没空应付你 You know, l can't deal with you today.
哦,别这样 Oh, don't.
但我还没告诉我爸爸 But l have not told my dad yet,
希望你别多嘴 and l would appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut.
好,为了妳我不会多话 Okay. l'll do that for you.
他看起来... What is he looking...
-伊莲,我...可以... -奥斯卡? -Hey, Elaine, l... Could l... -Oscar?
-嘿,宝贝 -妳没让我把话说完 -Hey, baby. -You didn't even let me finish.
我父亲是个杰出的人 My father was an exceptional man.
他生于1938年 He was born in 1 938.
1938是很特别的一年,那年... 1 938 was an exceptional year. ln 1 938...
事实上我想和你谈谈 你有空吗? Actually, there is something l'd like to talk to you about, if you have a minute.
对,当然 Yeah, sure.
别哀哀叫 你的鼻涕都流到我领口了 Quit crying. You got snot all over my collar and everything.
老天,不要有楼梯嘛 Man, not stairs.
楼梯有什麽不对? 只要把我推上去,快! What's wrong with the stairs? Just get me up the stairs. Hurry up!
我还要把你推上楼梯? l got to take your old ass up these stairs?
对,你必须把我推上楼梯 Yeah, you got to take my old ass up these stairs.
-妳参加过很多丧礼吗? -没有,这是第一次 -So, you go to a lot of funerals? -No, this is my first one.
我希望我们的婚礼就像这样 l want our wedding to be like this.
妳可能会在这种场合 遇到梦中情人 You might meet the man of your dreams at this one, huh?
来参加丧礼 却遇上一个唠叨鬼 Got to go to a funeral and l got a crybaby here.
快点 Come on.
这有些棘手 This is a bit delicate.
老天,你有没有大脑啊? 真是的! When they gave out brains, man, they left yours in the elevator, shit!
等一下好吗? You know what, can this wait?
我想我叔公到了 时间有点迟了 l think my uncle just got here, and we're running a little late.
-当然好 -使点劲,哼! -Sure. lt's fine. -Do something, man!
多谢了 Thanks a lot.
还在我脖子吹气,真是的 Told you about breathing on my neck, too. Come on.
嘿,我来接手,坐下 你还好吧? Hey, l got it. Sit down. l got it. You all right?
-我眼都花了 -快坐下 -l'm seeing double. -Just sit down.
-是你吗?德瑞克 -坐下 -ls that you, Derek? -Sit down.
嘿,老傢伙,你好吗? Hey, old-timer, how are you?
嘿,太谢谢你了 Hey, thanks a lot, thanks a lot.
-我要喝点东西 -好,再次感谢 -l need something to drink. -Okay, thanks again. Yeah.
-拜託,诺曼 -运动饮料 -Come on, Norman. -Some Gatorade.
-起来 -我需要提升电解质 -Get up. -l got to get my electrolytes up.
请大家就座好吗? 我们马上要开始了 Could you kindly take your seats? We'd like to begin the service.
-小心点 -好 -Watch out now. -Okay.
小心点、小心点,我是家属 Watch out now. Watch out now. l'm family.
可恶,你让老人坐这裡 God damn it. You got old people here.
-嘿 -漂亮的美腿 -Hey. -Nice legs there.
各位亲朋好友 Family and friends,
今天我们齐聚一堂 哀悼一个好人的辞世... we are gathered here to mourn the passing of a fine man...
抱歉,真是抱歉 l'm sorry. l'm sorry about that.
...艾德华巴恩斯 ...Edward Barnes.
现在要开始... Now, l'd like to begin...
伊莲,我知道妳认为 我不是这个家的一分子 Elaine, l know you don't think l'm part of this family.
因为你不是,所以请安静 Because you're not, so be quiet.
对,但妳鄙视我的同时 还是我开车去接罗素叔公的 Yeah, but when you dissed me back there, l had Uncle Russell with me in the car.
妳抢走我的停车位 害我必须推他上山坡 You took my parking space. l had to push him up a hill by myself.
差点就错过丧礼了 We almost missed the service.
诺曼,你再戳我一次 我会给你好看 Norman, you poke me one more time, l'm gonna kick your ass.
就会威胁我 Threats, threats.
-怎麽了? -她抢了我的车位,亚伦 -What's going on? -She took my parking spot, Aaron.
车位?我爸死了耶,安份点 Parking spot? My father's dead. Act right.
"然后约拿单和大卫订立盟约 因为他爱他如同自己的生命 "Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.
"约拿单脱下身上的长袍 "And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him,
"把它给了大卫,还把战衣 "and gave it to David, and his garments,
"剑、弓和腰带都给了他" "even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle."
现在我们要听听 艾德华的儿子亚伦,莱恩的哥哥 And now we'll hear a word from Edward's son, Aaron, Ryan's older brother.
我们只差了几个月 其实是同一年生的 Only by a couple of months. We was actually born the same year.
不是妳的错,妈妈 No fault of yours, Mama.
-最后机会 -我行、我可以的 -Last chance. -l got it. l got it.
爸爸只能死一次 Daddy's only gonna die once.
下午好 Good afternoon.
或者不该说下午好 Or l guess just afternoon,
因为怎麽可能好得起来 l mean, it couldn't possibly be that good.
我父亲是个杰出的人 My father was an exceptional man.
他生于1938年 And he was born in 1 938,
很特别的一年 an exceptional year.
1938年排行榜金曲是 《油炸麵包》 ln 1 938, the number one song was Shortnin' Bread.
在座有些人可能还记得 Some of you might remember it.
妈妈的宝贝喜欢 油炸、油炸 Mama's little baby love shortnin', shortnin'
妈妈的宝贝喜欢 油炸麵包 Mama's little baby love shortnin' bread
1938年《时代》杂志的 年度风云人物是希特勒 Also in 1 938, Time magazine's Man of the Year was Adolf Hitler.
我猜他们一定希望收回 那一期的杂志 l bet you they wished they could have that one back.
我爸很爱看探索频道 One thing my father loved to do was watch the Discovery Channel.
我想我妈妈是所谓的 Shark Week寡妇 l guess you could call my mother a real "Shark Week" widow.
只要播放鲨鱼、野猪或蜣螂的影片 Anything to do with sharks or wild boar or the dung beetle,
-我爸总是看得入迷 -妳看到了吗? -this always fascinated him. -Did you just see that?
-他爱看The Golden Girls -看到什麽? -He really loved The Golden Girls. -See what?
布兰琪、桃乐丝和萝丝 Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose.
-棺材刚刚动了 -他特别爱看 -That coffin just moved. -He especially loved it
-当这部影集联播时... -不、不 -when The Golden Girls were syndicated... -No, no, no.
-伊莲 -...一天至少重播三次 -Elaine. -...it was on at least three times a day.
有时我问:"爸,要出去吗?" 他会说... And sometimes l'd say, "Dad, you wanna go out?" And he'd go...
他还活著,裡面有活的东西 He's alive. There's something alive in there.
-不,裡面没有... -妳必须告诉他们,有人在动... -No, there's not... -You have to tell, someone's moving...
对不起,棺材在移动 The coffin's moving. l'm sorry.
-裡面有人 -不,奥斯卡,拜託坐下 -There's somebody in there. -No, Oscar, sit. Please.
它在动,我看到它在动 lt's moving. l just saw it move.
-裡面是活人,想爬出来 -要帮忙吗? -Someone's alive in there, trying to get out. -Need some help?
-没人看到吗? -不必 -No, can't you see it? -l'm fine.
你们这些人是怎麽了? 棺材在动啊 What the hell is wrong with you people? The coffin's moving.
奥斯卡,坐下 Oscar, sit down.
-不,妳看,他还活著 -伊莲,想点办法 -No, l just need to show you, he's alive. -Elaine, do something.
不,我指给妳看 我要指给妳看,不 No, no, l'm gonna show you. l'm gonna show you. No, no.
-离开那边 -奥斯卡! -Get away from there. -Oscar!
-天啊,莱恩!不要! -想点办法! -Oh, my God. Ryan! No! No! -Do something!
嘿!嘿! Hey! Hey!
遗体! The body!
-辛西雅!辛西雅! -妈妈 -Cynthia! Cynthia! -Mama.
不,我来帮忙,我来帮他 No, l'm gonna help, l got to help him.
-不、不! -等等! -No, no! -Wait a minute! Wait!
他会死的! He's gonna die!
亚伦,你是长子 去看看到底是怎麽回事 Aaron, you the oldest. Go see what the fuck is going on.
好,我会的 Okay, l will.
嘿! Hey!
杰夫 Jeff.
我对这个也会不自在 l'm not all the way comfortable with this.
快点! Come on!
我老了,不能受这种折腾 l'm too old for this shit.
-这个丧礼是怎麽回事? -丧礼要晚点举行,亲爱的 -When is this funeral gonna happen? -lt's gonna happen later, honey.
-嘿!嘿!嘿! -我只是... -Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! -l just...
-我的天 -嘿! -Oh, my God. -Hey!
-搞啥飞机啊? -亚伦 -What the fuck was that? -Aaron.
-不、不 -亚伦,我很抱歉 -No, no. -Aaron, l'm so sorry.
-你必须了解... -妳很抱歉?妳很抱歉? -You need to understand that this is... -You sorry? You sorry?
我爸趴在地板上 就像那个巫毒教主 My father's sprawled out on the floor like fucking Screamin' Jay Hawkins,
-不过没事,因为妳道歉了 -我实在... -but it's okay, because you're sorry! -l'm so...
-棺材在动,我... -他在对我说话吗? -The coffin was moving. l... -ls he talking to me?
-对我说话? -奥斯卡,别说了 -Talking to me? -Oscar. Oscar, honey, shut up.
-你在对我说话? -等一下 -You talking to me? -Please, for a second.
不,他不是在对你说话 听我说,亚伦,回到裡面 No, he's not talking to you. Listen to me, Aaron. Go back inside.
亚伦,我等一下再解释 Aaron, no. l will explain later.
对,等我爸下一次的丧礼 妳可以补偿我! Yeah, yeah, can make it up to me at my father's next funeral!
-宝贝 -不,不行 -Baby. -No, no, no, no, no.
我现在不要和妳做爱! l will not have sex with you right now!
-我不是要问这个 -抱歉,妳要说什麽? -l wasn't going to ask you that. -l'm sorry, what were you gonna ask me?
-情况还好吧? -不好 -ls everything okay? -No.
-你刚刚... -不 -You just... -No.
-蜜雪儿,抱歉 -不,没关係 -Michelle, l'm sorry. -No, it's okay.
-我要杀了他 -没关係啦 -l'm gonna kill him. l'll kill him. -lt's okay.
你这该死的白痴! You fucking moron!
-爸!别这样,拜託! -别这样? -Dad, Dad! Leave it alone, please, please! -Leave it alone?
我不敢相信妳带这个疯子来 我不想再看到他 l can't believe you brought this maniac. l never want to see him again.
奥斯卡平常不是这样的 你知道的 This isn't what Oscar's normally like, you know that.
他只是吃了一些药,他... He just took some medication and he's...
-吃药? -我让他吃了颗安定 -Medication? -l gave him a Valium
-结果他反应强烈 -安定?吃安定不会那麽亢奋 -and he's having a very bad reaction to it. -Valium? That is not a Valium high.
妳妈吃了40年安定了 她可不曾打翻棺材 Your mother was on Valium for 40 years and she never knocked over a coffin.
-爸,别说了 -这件事还没完 -Dad, stop it. -This is not over.
你要付出代价,我保证! You're gonna pay for that, l promise you!
-谢了,杰夫 -不客气,堂哥 -Thanks, Jeff. -No problem, cuz.
各位,容我再次道歉 People, allow me to extend my apologies.
但我们正在恢复原状 But everything is now being put back into its proper place,
请享用一下点心 so, please, enjoy the refreshments.
小鱼排美味极了 The catfish nuggets are to die for.
我们会尽快通知 丧礼何时继续 We'll let you know when we're ready to continue.
直接把他火化,快点了结吧 Let's just burn him and get it over with.
-我要抽根烟 -好的 -l'm gonna go have a smoke. -All right.
嘿,妳一定觉得很可怕 Hey. That must have been horrible for you.
也许我们出去外面,透透气? Maybe we should go outside, get some air?
嘿,大作家,我读了你的上一本书 Hey, bigshot. l read your last book there.
-《黑暗创伤》 -真酷,谢了,罗素叔公 -Black Hurt. -That's cool. Thanks, Uncle Russ.
我不是要称讚你 你这自大的混蛋 l'm not giving you a compliment, you arrogant bastard.
写的是什麽废话 拿来擦屁股都嫌髒 What a load of bullshit. l wouldn't wipe my ass with it.
-嘿,亚伦,你还好吗? -还可以 -Hey, Aaron. Yo, you all right, man? -l'm holding up.
是啊,那真是沉重 Yeah. That was heavy-duty,
看到你爸像死鱼一样 从棺材滚出来 the way your father fell out his coffin like a dead fish.
他就像... 我心裡大叫:"妈的!" He was like... l was like, "Damn!" Man.
现在别谈这个,诺曼 Not now, Norman.
-我有事要忙 -你说得对,抱歉 -l got to go somewhere, okay? -You're right. l'm sorry.
嘿,亚伦,但刚才真的很吓人 Hey, Aaron. But, you know, it's just scary.
你无法知道你的大限何时会到 You never know when your room is gonna be ready. You never know.
期限到了就是到了 When your room is ready, your room is ready.
我吓坏了 因为我手腕长了这个疹子 And l'm like scared because l got this rash on my wrist,
我不知道这是怎麽来的 and l don't know where it's coming from and...
我知道不是衣原体 l know it ain't Chlamydia.
我知道看起来像什麽 但完全不是那回事,我很害怕 l know what that look like, but this is something different and l'm just scared.
-我不知道,老兄 -让邓肯伯父看看吧 -l don't know, man. -Well, just show it to Uncle Duncan.
他是医生 He's a doctor.
邓肯伯父,你说得对 You know something, Uncle Duncan, you're right.
也许是我们站著不动 棺材却动起来了 Maybe we're standing still and the coffin's moving.
-不,不是... -不... -No, no, it's not... -No, nothing...
听我说,棺材真的动了 Listen to me, the coffin moved.
-我看到的 -奥斯卡,并没有... -l saw it move. -No, Oscar, it wasn't...
-伊莲,我疯了吗? -不,你没疯,宝贝 -God, Elaine, am l losing my mind? -No, you're not losing your mind, honey.
-我的手怎麽这麽大? -奥斯卡,看著我,专心点 -Why are my hands so big? -Oscar. Look at me. Focus.
伊莲,我爱这个游戏 Elaine, l love this game.
好,因为我要告诉你一件事 Okay, good. Because l have to tell you something.
什麽事?亲爱的 Okay. What is it, my love?
记得稍早我让你吃的安定吗? Remember that Valium that l gave you earlier?
记得 Yes.
结果那并不是安定 完全不是 Well, it turns out that it wasn't really Valium. Not completely.
-你听到了吗? -哈囉?哈囉? -Did you just hear me? -Hello? Hello?
-我快瞎了吗? -天啊 -Am l going blind in here? -Oh, God.
我保证 l promise.
我保证 Hey, Uncle Duncan! Miss Cynthia, Michelle.
嘿,邓肯伯父! 辛西雅小姐、蜜雪儿
我手上长了这玩意 已经好几个星期了 l got this thing on my hand and it's been there for weeks,
不知道你认为这是什麽? and l was just wondering what you think it might be.
我不是... l'm not...
诺曼,你该去看皮肤科医生 Look, you probably should see a dermatologist, Norman.
-我要出去透透气 -好 -l'm going out to get some air. -Okay.
为什麽?我没得什麽 镰刀型贫血症吧? l mean... Why? l don't have sickle cell anemia or nothing, right?
不,看起来像色素突变 No, it looks like a pigment mutation.
色素突变? A pigment mutation?
你是说像绿巨人浩克吗? You mean like the lncredible Hulk or something?
我不能变成绿皮肤 l can't be turning green out there.
我是黑人耶,我很敏感的 我全身上下都会变成绿色 l'm a black man, l'm sensitive, l'd be turning green over every little thing.
我现在就能想像 l can see it now.
我收到儿福处的通知 "那不是浩克的宝宝 Me getting mail from child support, "That not Hulk baby.
"浩克在莫瑞波维奇的节目验过血了" "Hulk take blood tests on Maury Povich."
你可能只是对某个东西过敏 也许是壳类海鲜或花生 You're probably just allergic to something. Maybe shellfish or nuts.
-花生?花生突变啊? -我不知道,失陪了 -Nuts? Well, what nut mutates? -l don't know. Now excuse me.
我吃了毒品? Somebody gave me hypoallergenic drugs?
-是一种迷幻药 -咪幻药 -lt's a form of hallucinogenic. -Hagucilenic.
-伊莲,妳告诉他了? -我刚说了 -Elaine, Elaine, did you tell him? -l just did.
-你还好吗? -我被下药了 -How you feeling, big guy? -l've been drugged.
对,不是啦,对 Yeah, not, no, yeah.
-对,算是,听著... -你对我下药 -Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Hey, listen... -l've been drugged by you.
-你这笨蛋! -等等,奥斯卡! -You fool! -Wait, Oscar!
-放开他,天啊 -药效会持续多久? -Let him go! Oh, my God. -How long does it last?
伊莲,他现在力气超大的 Elaine, he's incredibly strong right now.
-我知道,抱歉 -会持续多久? -l know, and l'm sorry. -How long does it last?
-大概八小时? -八小时,该死! -Like eight hours? -Eight hours, fuck!
宝贝,你在做什麽? Babe, what are you doing?
我快吐了 l'm gonna be sick.
-杰佛瑞,这都是你的错 -是妳的错,妳给他吃的 -Jeffrey, this is all your fault. -This is your fault. You gave it to him.
可恶 Shit.
宝贝,慢一点 Baby, slow down.
伊莲,怎麽了? Hey, Elaine. What's going on?
-妳在干嘛?跟踪我? -别闹了,德瑞克! -What are you doing? You following me? -Not now, Derek!
嘿! Hey!
-抱歉,你还好吗? -你还好吗? -Sorry. You all right? -Are you okay?
-哦,惨了 -奥斯卡! -Oh, shit. -Oscar!
抱歉各位,他人不舒服 Excuse me, everyone, he's gonna be sick.
奥斯卡,亲爱的,慢一点! Oscar, sweetie, slow down!
-奥斯卡!奥斯卡! -奥斯卡! -Oscar! Oscar! -Oscar!
奥斯卡,不要进去! 奥斯卡!出来! Oscar, no! Don't go in there! Oscar! Oscar, out!
裡面有厕所,天啊 ln here, there's a bathroom here. Oh, God.
-天啊!奥斯卡! -出去 -Jeez! Oscar. -Get back.
你在做什麽? What are you doing?
退后,不然我轰掉妳的头 Get back or l will blow your head off.
-把手举起来! -你... -Get your hands up! -Are you...
手举高! Hands up!
奥斯卡,宝贝 Oscar, baby.
-你开啥玩笑?开门,宝贝 -冷静,仁兄 -Are you kidding me? Open this door, baby. -Easy, big fellow.
-宝贝 -惨了 -Honey. -Oh, shit.
你锁上了,拜託你 You're locked in, so, please,
-打开门好吗? -惨了 -unlock the door, okay? -Oh, shit.
-伊莲?我找不到药瓶 -你可以... -Elaine? l can't find the pill bottle. -Can you just...
哦,惨了 Oh, shit.
-奥斯卡,开门 -持续八小时 -Oscar, open the door. -Lasts up to eight hours.
-快开门 -太完美了 -Open the door. -Perfect.
-奥斯卡,快开门 -已经五分钟了 -Oscar, open the door, sweetie. -lt's already been five minutes.
-很好 -可恶! -That's good. -Damn it!
该死啦!才五分钟?惨了! Motherfucker! Five minutes? Oh, shit!
-惨、惨到爆! -怎麽回事? -Shit, shit, shit, shit! -What's going on?
-奥斯卡,拜託你开门 -知道吗 -Oscar, open the door, please. -You know what,
你先去找点东西吃吧? 我们很快就会开始 why don't you go get something to eat? We're gonna start pretty soon. Yeah.
悲伤让人们做出古怪的事 对吧? Grief does strange things to people, doesn't it?
-对 -你还记得吧 -Yeah. -lf you remember,
我有事想和你谈谈 there's something l would like to talk to you about.
-可以晚点再... -能私下谈谈吗? -Could we just do this... -ls there someplace private we could go?
他妈的混蛋! Cocksuckers!
这裡很棒 This is lovely.
-艾德华也是 -我知道 -So Edward. -l know.
你正在写小说? You're writing a novel?
对,那是我的 Yeah, that's mine.
-抱歉 -就像你弟弟 -Sorry. -Just like your brother.
事实上我比弟弟更早写作 Actually, l was writing before my brother.
我在Jet杂志发表过一些文章 有篇是关于高血压的 l got a couple of pieces published in Jet. One about hypertension.
那是很久以前的事了 That was a while back, though,
现在我主要的工作 是报税的会计 and now l'm working mainly as a tax accountant.
那你一定很以莱恩为荣 他的小说都出版了 Well, then, you must be very proud of Ryan. Getting all of his novels published.
对,很以他为荣 Yeah. Pretty proud.
你想和我谈什麽? What did you wanna talk about?
你爸爸和我很亲近 Your father and l were very close.
-那很好 -我们常在一起 -That's nice, that's nice. -Spent a lot of time together.
嗯,我爸是个风趣的傢伙 Okay, well, you know, Dad was a fun guy.
我有些照片给你看 我们的快照 l have some photos l want to show you. Few snaps of us.
我和你爸在威尼斯肌肉海滩拍的 That's me and your dad at Venice Beach, Muscle Beach.
这是我们在西好莱坞 参加万圣节游行 And here we are in West Hollywood, at the Halloween parade.
不知道你有没有去过 那真是一大盛会 l don't know if you've ever been, but what a spectacle that is.
奥斯卡 Oscar.
你怎麽进来的? How'd you get in here?
这是我们去看 Dreamgirls的首映 And here we are at the premiere of Dreamgirls.
我打扮成蒂娜 你爸坚持打扮成爱菲 l was dressed as Deena and your fatherjust had to be Effie.
你是怎麽认识我爸的? So, how exactly did you know my father?
不、不 No. No.
你以为你可以跑来 诋毁我爸的名誉 You think you can come in here and just slander my dad's name
就凭几张你们去看 Dreamgirls的照片? by showing me a couple of pictures of you guys going to see Dreamgirls?
那又怎样? 那部电影我看了二、三次 So what? l've seen Dreamgirls two, three times.
不代表我就是同志 Doesn't mean l'm gay.
忍无可忍 只想使坏 Steppin' to the bad side Gonna be a mean ride
-那能证明什麽? -很抱歉 -What's that prove? -l'm sorry.
他宁愿自己告诉你 但他不确定你会有什麽反应 l guess he would've told you himself, but he wasn't sure how you'd react.
我妈知道吗? Does my mother know?
不知道,她不需要知道 No. And there's no reason she has to.
我只想拿到我应得的 Just as long as l get what's owed to me.
什麽?什麽叫你应得的? Excuse me? What's owed to you?
嗯,我该分到一些的 Well, l deserve something.
你爸和我是爱人 他的遗嘱完全没提到我 Your father and l were lovers and he left me absolutely nothing in his will.
你认为我作何感想? How do you think that makes me feel?
我不知道,我也不在乎 l don't know and l don't care.
我可以告诉你,感觉很差劲 l will tell you how it makes me feel. Cheap.
-好像什麽死贱人 -你要什麽? -Like some cheap piece of ass. -What do you want?
我要的可多了 但我不是向你要那些 What l want is a lot, but l'm not asking you for what l want.
-我该得到三万美金 -三万? -l deserve $30,000. -$30,000?
你疯了吗?我才不会给你三万元 Are you smoking meth? l'm not giving you $30,000.
我正要买间房子 努力生个孩子! l'm trying to buy a house! l'm trying to have a kid!
没办法给你三万元! l can't give you $30,000!
听著,你爸答应过要好好照顾我 Now, listen, your father made me a promise to take care of me.
我做了不少牺牲才让他快乐 l made certain sacrifices to keep him happy.
我也不想这样做 但我要把照片给你妈妈看 Now, l don't want to, but l will show these photos to your mother.
你真要我那样做吗? Do you really want me to do that?
可恶! Shit!
在这裡等 Wait here.
好 Okay.
哦,亚伦 我刚刚才告诉乔治 Oh, Aaron. l was just telling George here how
我们还是小男孩时 when we were boys together,
你爸常唆使我们去裸泳 your father used to make us all go skinny-dipping.
-很好笑吧? -好笑到爆 -lsn't that funny? -Hilarious.
-也许妳先生会知道 -等等!亚伦! -Well, maybe your husband will know. -Wait! Wait! Aaron! Aaron!
今天抽个空? Sometime today?
我帮得上忙吗? Anything l can do to help?
不必了,谢谢 No, l'm fine, thank you.
奥斯卡,拜託 Oscar, please.
伊莲,丧礼后妳要做什麽? Say, Elaine, what are you doing after the funeral?
我有史戴波戏院前排的票 l got Usher tickets, front row, Staples Center.
你才没有 You don't have Usher tickets.
还没有 但我可以去买 Well, no, not yet, but l can get them like that.
德瑞克,请你离开 You know what? Derek, please, go away.
你配不上她! You don't deserve her!
他不配 He doesn't.
我去找诺曼 l'm gonna go find Norman.
所以妳没去过纽约? So, you've never been to New York?
我和爸妈去过一次 l've been, with my parents once.
那可不是逛纽约的方式 妳该来逛逛,玩一玩 Now, that's not seeing New York. You got to come visit. Just hang out.
-妳生日是什麽时候? -上星期刚满十八岁 -When's your birthday? -l turned 1 8 last week.
那是我最喜欢的数字,女孩 Yeah. Well, that's my favorite number, girl.
我要妳搭上巴士 You know, l want you to get yourself on a bus
今年到纽约来找我玩 妳可以做到吗? and come visit me in New York this year. Can you do that?
为了我? For me?
好吧 All right. Yeah.
对,这样才对 我会带妳品嚐各种小吃 Yeah, that's what l'm talking about. And l got all kind of snacks for you.
-真的? -妳喜欢甜心老爹吗? -Really? -You like Sugar Daddies?
-莱恩,我有事找你 -小熊软糖... -Ryan, Ryan, l need to talk to you. -Gummi bears...
-我必须和你... -亚伦,现在不行 -Ryan, l need to talk... -Aaron, not now.
-我们一定要谈谈 -亚伦,再给我五分钟行吗? -l really need to talk to you. -Aaron, give me five minutes, okay?
老哥,我在哀恸中呢 Bro, l'm grieving here.
玛蒂娜,先失陪一下好吗? 我们有正事要谈 Martina, could you excuse us? We've really got to talk about something.
嘿,Sponge Bob在演了 好,晚点聊 Hey, SpongeBob is on. All right, talk to you later.
你在做什麽? What are you doing?
记得之前来的那个人 我们都不认识的傢伙? Remember the guy that came by a little earlier, that we didn't recognize?
-穿皮夹克那个 -对 -Dude in the leatherjacket. -Yeah, well,
他到书房来 让我看了几张他和爸的合照 he came by the study, and he showed me some pictures of him and Dad.
所以呢?他让你看照片 So? So, he showed you some pictures,
-有什麽问题? -他和爸在一起的照片 -what's wrong with that? -Pictures of him and Dad together.
-我们在玩机智问答啊? -他是爸的爱人 -So, we playing 20 questions now or what? -He was Dad's lover.
-不,天啊,不 -对,那傢伙叫法兰克 -No, man. No, no, no, no. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy's name is Frank.
他让我看了几张 他和爸一起玩的照片 He showed me some pictures of him and Dad doing stuff.
你在告诉我 咱们的爸爸是同志? You telling me our father was on the downlow?
-没错 -不会吧 -Way down low. -Hell no.
我不相信,我爸不是同性恋 l don't believe that. My father's not gay.
事实上他超阳刚的 在他旁边我都像同志了 Matter of fact, he's so straight, he makes me seem gay.
但我可不是同志 And l ain't fucking gay.
老爸! Daddy!
我不知道他练瑜珈 l ain't know he did yoga.
看啊,他还会手推车式 Look. He got the wheelbarrow.
-谢谢 -我不懂 -Thanks. -l just don't get it.
-谢谢 -我不懂
她看上那个假仙的傢伙 却看不上我 l don't know what she sees in that poser that she doesn't see in me.
-挺严重的吧? -当然,这可是我的人生 -Seems serious, don't it? -Of course it is, it's my life.
我整晚只睡了大概八小时 l've only been sleeping like eight hours a night, man.
-我完全不知所措 -什麽? -l'm at my wit's end. -What?
-不,老兄 -什麽? -No, dude. -Yeah?
-我在说色素突变 -对 -Me. Pigment mutation? -Right.
也许是白斑病 麦克杰克森的蛋蛋就得了那种病 Well, maybe it's vitiligo, that thing Michael Jackson had on his balls.
我不知道麦克杰克森 那话儿得了什麽病 l don't know what Michael Jackson had on his balls.
-好 -你问我的意思 -Okay. -You asking me,
我像我做了什麽似的 like l was down there or something.
-嘿,试试这蛋糕,也许有加花生 -所以呢? -Hey. Try this cake. lt might have nuts in it. -So?
伊莲的爸爸说我可能 只是对花生过敏 Elaine's dad said l might just be allergic to nuts.
那就别吃花生 把叉子放下,别吃了 So, don't eat nuts. Put the fork down. Don't eat it.
我压力大就会一直吃 That's what l do when l'm stressed. l eat.
你的手要是断了,还能吃吗 You ain't gonna eat when your hand falls off, papa.
拜託帮我试吃 看看有没有加花生好吗? Just try the cake for me. See if it has nuts in it, please?
伊莲快把我逼疯了 你完全没帮上忙 Elaine's driving me crazy, and you're not helping.
嘿,笨蛋,别再猛吃了 帮我装一盘吧 Hey, fathead. Quit slopping down food for a second. Make me a plate.
我要去洗手 然后帮你装一盘劲辣的 l'm gonna wash my hands, and make you a dynamite plate.
我知道你吃甘蓝菜喜欢加辣酱... l know you like hot sauce on your collard greens. That's...
过来找你老爸 Come here to papa.
罗素叔公 Uncle Russell.
你有看到一瓶药吗? 一瓶安定镇定剂? Have you seen a little pill, pill bottle with some Valium in it?
-有还是没有... -别这样吓我 -ls that a yes or... -God, don't scare me like that.
裡面加了花生,该死 Shit tastes like it got nuts in it. Shit.
-典礼很快就会开始的 -巴恩斯医生! -l'm sure we'll start again soon. -Dr. Barnes! Dr. Barnes!
-我们回去吧 -我马上去,我只需独处一下 -Let's go back inside. -Soon. l just need a moment alone.
一下子就好 Just one minute.
-巴恩斯医生,只要很快... -对不起 -Dr. Barnes, just one quick... -Excuse me.
妳还好吗?辛西雅小姐? How you doing, Miss Cynthia?
-妳看起来不错 -谢谢 -You look good. -Thank you.
妳要坚持下去 妳的通心粉太好吃了 You hanging in there? Your macaroni is superb.
六种不同的起司 他已经安详躺回棺材了 Six different cheeses. He looked good in that box.
不过因为死后僵硬现象 左手有点弯曲 The rigor mortis set in well. You know, except for that left hand.
妳可能要帮他套个手套之类的 You might just wanna throw an oven mitt or something on there. Yeah.
他身上的西装真帅 The suit he got on is magnificent, you know.
很像科林鲍威尔 像个共和党员 Looked like Colin Powell. Looked just like a Republican.
但妳有检查鞋子吗? But did you check the shoes?
因为有时候殡仪馆 会脱掉他们的鞋子 'Cause sometimes they take the shoes right off their feet in the funeral home, right?
-尤其是鳄鱼皮的鞋子 -诺曼... -Especially if they're gators. -Norman. Just...
-失陪了 -抱歉,辛西雅小姐 -Excuse me. -Sorry, Miss Cynthia.
我的天啊! Jesus Christ!
有人掉了药了 Somebody dropped they pills.
如果不立刻给他钱 他要把照片给老妈看 lf we don't get him the money right now, he's gonna start showing Mom the pictures.
-让我想想,好吗? -快想 -Let me think. All right? Let me think. -Think, think.
-那你就付钱给他 -这就是你的好点子? -You gonna have to pay him, then. -That's your big idea?
我必须付钱给他? 那你呢? l'm gonna have to pay him? Where's your money?
你没有储蓄或救急金吗? 你没有小猪扑满啊? Don't you have a savings or a nest egg? A damn piggy bank?
亚伦,我负债累累 我破产了,就像汉默一样 Aaron, l'm in debt up to my ass. l'm broke, man. lt's "Hammertime," okay?
如果我不快点筹到钱 就要被迫上演实境秀了 lf l don't get some money soon, l'm gonna have to do a damn reality show.
好,所以我要付丧葬费 餐饮费、有的没的 Okay, so, l gotta pay for the funeral, the catering, and all this other shit,
现在还要自己掏出三万元? and now l gotta pull $30,000 out of my ass?
-他也是你爸爸 -对,但你是长子 -You know, he's your dad, too. -Yeah, but you the oldest.
-只差九个月,就像你说的 -这不重要 -By nine months, as you love to point out. -Doesn't matter.
况且你和爸妈住了很久 Besides, you been living off of Mom and Dad long enough.
应该省了不少钱 对吧?你长期不必付房租啊 You must've saved some money. What? You haven't paid rent in a long time.
嘿,我是和他们住 不是靠他们维生 Hey, hey, l've been living with them, not off them.
爸爸退休都五年了 And Dad's been retired for five years.
你以为日常帐单是谁在付的? Who do you think's been paying all these bills?
如果我们手头都紧 那还能怎麽办?叫他去死啦! Well, if we both got money issues, what can we do? Fuck him! Fuck...
去他的,亚伦,去他的 Fuck him, Aaron. Fuck him.
付他钱,想办法付他钱 Pay the man. Just pay him.
-你还好吗?朋友 -不好 -Are you okay there, friend? -Hey, fuck no.
我姪儿死了 那些小混蛋把马铃薯沙拉吃光了 My nephew's dead, and the little bastards ate all the potato salad. Shit.
听著,我想应该继续进行丧礼了 Listen, l think we're just about ready to start that service again.
再过五分钟,拜託 再五分钟 Just five more minutes, please, please. Just five. Five.
嘿,宝贝,怎麽回事? 一切还好吧? Hey, hey, baby, what's going on? ls everything okay?
不,我们没办法儘快搬家了 我很抱歉 No, we're not gonna be able to move out as soon as we hoped. l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
等等,听我说 嘿?你在说什麽? Wait. Listen to me. Hello? What are you talking about?
妳知道我一定有理由 才会这样说 You know l wouldn't have said it unless l had a good reason.
-好,什麽理由? -亚伦,现在没时间吵这个 -Okay, fine, so what's the reason? -Aaron, we don't have time right now.
亚伦,我试著想了解 Aaron, listen, l am trying to be understanding,
但你要解释一下啊 我是认真的! but you have some explaining to do. And l mean it!
给我点时间,好吗? Just a little more time, okay?
嘿,我还没写完,你不该看的 Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not supposed to be read yet.
-它就搁在咖啡桌上 -什麽意思? -Well, it was on the coffee table. -And what's that supposed to mean?
如果有人把东西放在咖啡桌 Well, when someone leaves something on a coffee table,
就表示大家都可以看 规矩就是这样 it's assumed it's for everybody. That's pretty standard.
这就是咖啡桌法则 Those are coffee table rules.
-言归正传好吗? -当然好 -Can we get to the point here? -Fine by me.
我会开支票,你把照片给我们 So, l write the check, you give us the photos,
别去打扰我们的妈妈 and you stay away from our mother.
-同意吗? -成交 -ls that the deal? -Deal.
好 Okay.
-你姓什麽? -罗维特 -What's your last name? -Lovett.
特别的特 With two "Ts."
-罗维特 -这是你的第一次吗? -Lovett. -ls that your first one?
-什麽? -那部小说,是初稿吗? -What? -The novel. lt's a first draft.
-对,怎样? -没什麽 -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so? -No, nothing.
我也尝试过写作 但是我也写不好 l tried writing once. Didn't work for me, either.
我想这要靠天分 有就是有,没有就是没有 l think it's like a gift. Either you have it or you don't.
你一定很难受 Must be hard for you, though.
你弟弟可是畅销作家 l mean, your brother being a bestselling author and all.
你爸爸和我把《朗达的小盒》 从头读到尾 Your father and l read Rhonda's Tiny Box cover to cover together.
我们好爱那本书,他以你为荣 We loved it. He was so proud of you.
谢谢你 Well, thank you. l guess.
-够了,我办不到 -哇,亚伦,不行 -That's it. l can't do it. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, Aaron. Aaron, no, no.
你在做什麽? What are you doing?
我辛苦赚来的钱 绝对不会给这傢伙,不行 There is no way in the world l'm giving this guy my hard-earned money. No.
别傻了,好吗? Hey, don't be stupid, okay?
只要我收到预付版税 我会马上还你钱 Now, l'll pay you back as soon as my advance comes in.
他选在今天 爸爸丧礼的这一天 He picks today, the day of our father's funeral.
除此之外还侮辱我的书? 不!不行! And then on top of that, he insults my book? No! No!
-但他有照片 -那又怎样?我不在乎他有什麽 -But he got pictures. -So what? l don't give a fuck what he's got.
他可以昭告全世界 可以上传到脸书,我才不管 He can show them to the world. He can put them on Facebook for all l care.
他以为他是谁啊? Who the fuck does he think he is?
好,但这要算到你头上 Fine. But this is on your head.
哇,等一下 Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on now, hold on.
好,你先等一下 Okay, you need to back off.
-不,让我们先讨论一下 -没啥好说的了 -No, no, no. Let's discuss this for a minute. -There is nothing to discuss.
-不,不要... -我说退开!兄弟 -No, don't... -l said back off, buddy!
你带枪来参加丧礼? You gonna bring a gat to a funeral?
你不需要杀人,不需要... Now, nobody got to get capped. Nobody...
-抢他的枪!抢他的枪! -他不会拿到的 -Get his gun! Get his gun! -He ain't got no damn gun.
-有绳子吗?还是胶带? -我像连环杀手吗? -You got any rope? Any duct tape? -Hey, what do l look like, a serial killer?
我不会随身携带绳子和胶带 l don't just keep rope and duct tape in my pocket.
-我什麽也看不到 -救命啊! -l can't see nothing. There you go. -Help! Help!
-嘿,用你的领带! -我的领带? -Hey, use your tie! -My tie, my tie?
-领带能干什麽? -堵住他的嘴 -What the fuck am l gonna do with my tie? -Stuff it in his mouth.
首先...战争守则第一条 就是切断联繫 All right, first key... First key to war is to cut off communication.
好,把窗帘拿过来 快点,窗帘那玩意 All right, now, grab that curtain thing. Hurry up. Grab the curtain thing.
绑住他的腿,亚伦,可恶! Tie his legs. Come on, Aaron, damn!
-我像个该死的西部牛仔 -对,现在抓住他的手 -Feel like l'm in a fucking rodeo! -Yeah, yeah. Okay, now get his hands. Shit.
该死,他真强壮啊 可恶,我需要凡事自己搞定吗? God damn. Strong, ain't he? Damn it, do l gotta do everything?
就是不肯签张支票! Everything but write a fucking check!
你知道那是什麽蛋糕吗? 怎麽回事?这傢伙是谁? You know what was in that cake? What's going on? Who's that dude?
诺曼,进来,把门关上 快点,亚伦,绑好了 Norman, come in and shut the damn door. Come on, Aaron, tie it.
-怎麽回事? -他发病了 -What's happening? -He having a seizure.
-该死! -对 -Damn! -Yeah, yeah.
知道吗? 我刚捡到一瓶安定 You know what? l just found some Valium outside.
-这可以让他镇定下来吗? -很好,给他一些 -You think this will calm him down? -Good. Yeah, yeah, give him some.
-好 -来吧 -Okay. All right. -Come on.
把外套垫在他头下 Put this jacket under his head
他才不会咬到舌头 so he don't bite down on his tongue.
我在高中学到处理方法的 l learned that procedure at Boys and Girls High School.
-来吧 -老兄,这会让你镇静下来 -Come on. -Here, buddy, this'll make you feel calm.
-张开嘴巴 -好了 -Open up, open up. -There you go.
-对,就这样 -张开、张开 -Right there. Yes, yes, baby. -Open up, open up.
-对 -看啊,你会没事的,朋友 -Yeah. -Look at that. You gonna be fine, my friend.
-你们有没有看到一瓶... -请进,杰夫 -Did you guys happen to see a little... -Come, come in, Jeff, come in.
诺曼,我叫你锁门的 Norman, l told you to lock the damn door.
你只说"把门关上",莱恩! You said, "Shut the damn door," Ryan!
-这是怎麽一回事? -他发病了 -What's... What's going on? -He's having a seizure.
-好,那为什麽要绑住他? -怕他咬到舌头 -Yeah. So, why is he all tied up? -We don't want him to swallow his tongue.
那是治疗的程序 No. That's part of the medical procedure.
天啊 Oh, God.
他在勒索你?为了什麽? He's blackmailing you? Over what?
我要是能告诉你 他就勒索不成了,不是吗? lf l could tell you, it wouldn't be blackmail, now, would it?
听著,相信我们 他是坏人,好吗?晚点再解释 Hey, look, just trust us. He's the bad guy. Okay? We'll explain it to you later.
我们要怎麽处置他? Yeah, well, what are we gonna do with him?
对,莱恩,我们要怎麽做? 是你制伏他的 Yeah, what are we gonna do, Ryan? Now that you've jumped his ass?
-我不知道好吗? -你是大作家耶 -l don't know. Okay? You think, people. -You're the big writer.
你为何不写一些 从此过著幸福快乐的生活? Why don't you write something where we all live happily ever after?
-安定的药效会持续多久? -安定?什麽...安定? -How long's that Valium gonna last? -Valium? What... What Valium?
我捡到一瓶安定 l found a bottle of Valium,
就让他吃了几颗 希望让他镇定下来 so we gave him a few, thinking it would calm him down.
你给他吃了几颗?哦,糟了 You gave him a few of these? Oh, shit.
-什麽? -什麽? -What? -What?
嗯... See...
我刚给他几颗安定 l just gave him a few Valium.
我在外面地上捡到的 l found them on the ground outside.
听著,是这样的 All right, see, here's the story.
你们称为安定的小药丸 All right. Everybody calling these little guys here Valium,
-其实不是镇定剂 -所以呢? -they're wrong, 'cause it's not Valium. -Yeah, and?
比较像是混合的迷幻药 是快乐丸 lt's more like acid mixed with acid, which is acid.
奥斯卡稍早误食了一颗 所以刚刚才疯疯的 And Oscar took one earlier by mistake, which is why he's been acting all crazy.
杰夫,你带这玩意要做什麽? Jeff, what are you doing with that stuff?
我只是帮朋友做了一批 l just whipped up a simple batch for a friend.
-哪个朋友?艾美怀丝啊? -等一下 -What friend, Amy Winehouse? -Wait. Wait a minute.
你是说伊莲的男朋友 You telling us that Elaine's boyfriend,
打翻我爸棺材的那傢伙 old boy who knocked over our father's coffin,
-只因吃了一颗这玩意? -对,一颗 -only had one of those things? -Yeah. One.
-哦,惨了 -是很惨 -Oh, shit. -Shit's right.
-你给他几颗? -四、五颗 -And you gave him how many? -About four or five.
四、五颗?天啊!诺曼! 那可怜的混蛋 Four or five? Jesus, Norman! That poor bastard.
-我以为是安定 -你别大声嚷嚷,小声点 -l thought they were Valium. -Look, you at a ten, l need you at a two.
杰夫,我以为是安定 Jeff, l thought they were Valium.
-可是五颗? -对 -But five? -Yes.
我可不会给别人一次吃五颗 l mean, l wouldn't give somebody five cough drops.
药量也太重了 See, that's 'cause the wave cap is too tight.
好,也许该叫救护车 Okay, okay, maybe we should call an ambulance.
如果有人查出 他被人硬灌了毒品 lf anyone finds out that this guy's been force-fed acid,
我们都会被逮捕的 八卦媒体,我在这裡 we could all be arrested. TMZ, here l come.
-他会死吗? -嘿、嘿、嘿! -Could he die? -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
-什麽? -他会死吗? -What? -Could he die?
不会!也许会发疯吧 No! Crazy. Maybe.
有可能,看情况 A little bit. Possibly. lt depends.
亚伦?莱恩? 你们在裡面吗?儿子 Aaron? Ryan, honey? Are you in there, baby?
丧礼必须开始了 We need to get things started.
妈,我们马上就来 Ma, we'll be right out.
好,听著 我们必须出去了,知道吗? Okay, look, look, look. We gotta go out there, okay?
我们要争取一点时间 想想该怎麽做 We gotta buy some time until we figure this out.
你们两个在这裡看著他 You two stay here and watch him.
你要我们待在这裡看... What you mean, us stay here and watch...
诺曼,只是确保 别让他逃跑了,好吗? Norman, just make sure he doesn't escape, okay?
我们出去后记得锁门 Just lock the door behind us.
这都是你的错 你和你的化学毒品 This is all your fault. You and your chemistry set, man.
-从国中开始... -闭嘴,诺曼 -Ever since the ninth grade... -Shut up, Norman.
嘿,妈,怎麽了? Hey, Mom. How's it going?
戴维斯牧师想和你们两个谈谈 Reverend Davis wants to talk to the two of you.
-亚伦,你的领带呢? -我找一下 -Aaron, where's your tie? -l'm looking for it.
听著,我一直很有耐心 但实在受够了 Now, look, l have been patient, but l'm about done with patience.
如果不快点进行丧礼 lf we don't resume this funeral pretty soon,
我们必须谈谈我的费用 we gonna have to have a little conversation about my compensation.
当然,再给我五分钟好吗? Sure. Could l get five more minutes?
你为何又要旧事重提? Why are you making me go through this again?
-请妳听我说好吗? -听著... -Just hear me out, okay? -Listen...
妳不和我交往的唯一原因 The only reason you won't go out with me
-就是妳爸喜欢我 -不!是... -is 'cause your dad likes me. -No! lt...
-麻烦你...帮个忙好吗? -天啊,妳的皮肤好柔软 -Can you... Can l get some help, please? -Good Lord, your skin's so supple...
-请你停止好吗? -好 -Can you stop that? -Okay.
我不和你交往的原因 是因为那是个错误 The real reason why l don't wanna go out with you is because it was a mistake before.
我们是有几个月打得火热 We had a couple of intense months,
-但我了解我们只是... -不公平,我们之前很愉快的... -but then l realized that we just... -Not fair, not true. We had a lot of fun. We...
-我买錶送妳,对吗? -在这裡 -l bought you a watch, right? -Here.
-为什麽? -拿去 -Why? -Take it.
那我们第一次那晚呢? 在诺曼的派对之后? What about our first night together? After Norman's party?
-那太棒了,真销魂 -我醉得厉害 -That was amazing. Transcendent. -l was so drunk.
我还以为你是头驴子呢 You could've been a donkey for all l knew.
-谢谢 -我不是在称讚你,德瑞克! -Thank you. -lt's not a compliment, Derek! You know...
你走吧,走开 Go away. Go away.
妳还是会想到我,对吧? 别回答 You still think about me though, don't you? Don't say anything.
他有什麽毛病? What is wrong with him?
真美 lt's beautiful.
没有马铃薯沙拉 There's still no potato salad.
没有马铃薯沙拉
-嘿,罗素叔公 -嘿 -Hey, Uncle Russell. -Hey, hey.
不,你...那是这位小姐的 你不会想吃那个 No, you... That belongs to this lady. You don't wanna eat that.
她不需要,现在是我的了 She don't need it. lt's mine now.
你有什麽问题,小子? What's your problem, son?
是女人,女人是我的问题 罗素叔公 lt's women. Women are my problem, Uncle Russell.
哪个女人没有问题 No such thing as having a woman without a problem.
-对 -如果她们没有问题 -Right. -lf they didn't have problems,
-就不会让我们碰她们 -对 -they wouldn't let us touch them. -Right.
对,让我告诉你 Yeah. Let me tell you something about women.
女人比你想得更聪明 Smarter than you think they are,
但她们没有自己想像的那麽聪明 but not nearly as smart as they think they are.
可爱的贱人 Sweet bitches.
对,我就不懂 她一副我不存在的样子 Yeah. l don't get it. She acts like l don't exist.
我不敢相信 她没有我这种感受 l can't believe she doesn't feel the way l do.
-她只是欲擒故纵 -对 -She's just playing hard to get. -Right.
-她要你努力去追 -好 -She wants you to work for it a bit. -Okay.
女人需要能控制她的男人 A woman wants a man who can control her.
-是这样吗? -你走向她,摇醒她 -Yeah, you think so? ls that what it is? -You walk up to her, and you shake her.
-摇醒她? -对 -Shake her? -Yeah.
-你叫我去摇醒她? -你现在也没辄,不是吗? -You want me to shake her? -Not shaking her hasn't worked, has it?
-对,好吧 -你摇醒她,吻她 -Yeah, okay. -You shake her, and you kiss her.
我不知道这套还行得通 l just don't know if that'll go over so well.
-天啊 -怎麽了? -Man. -What's up?
我要去拉屎 可恶,才刚吃到马铃薯... l gotta take a shit. Man, just when l had my potato...
嘿,诺曼!我要去拉屎! Hey, hey, hey, Norman! l gotta take a crap!
-他的眼睛看起来不太正常 -他好像殭尸 -Look at his eyes. That doesn't look normal. -He looks like a zombie.
哈囉? Hello?
-哈囉? -哈囉 -Hello? -Hello.
-我要上厕所,开门! -去应付他 -l need the toilet, open up! -Go deal with him.
快开门 Open the door.
-你不能用楼上的吗? -我坐轮椅耶,你这白痴! -Can't you use the one upstairs? -l'm in a wheelchair, you fucking idiot!
我要怎麽上楼梯啊? How am l supposed to get up the goddamn stairs?
-怎麽办? -不知道 -What are we gonna do? -l don't know.
-快开门啦! -把他搬到沙发后 -Open the fucking door! -Let's put him behind the couch.
可恶,我要上厕所,快开门 Shit. Man, l need the toilet. Open up.
诺曼! Norman!
-快开门! -等等,我在找钥匙 -Open the goddamn door! -Just a minute. l'm trying to find the key.
我需要上厕所,你这死胖子 l need the toilet, you fat bastard.
-抱歉 -我正要走过房间 -Sorry, sorry. -l'm just going across the room
去拿钥匙,罗素叔公 to get the key, Uncle Russell.
好让你进来上厕所 我知道你要上大号 So you could use the bathroom, 'cause l know you gotta doo-doo.
快点开门!可恶! Now open the fucking door! Shit! Damn it.
你们在裡面搞什麽鬼? What the hell is going on here?
罗素叔公 Uncle Russell.
快给我滚 叫我也没用,可恶 Get your ass out here. Uncle Russell nothing, man. Shit.
快点,亚伦,快想想 Come on, Aaron, think.
-我正在想 -知道吗? -l'm thinking, l'm thinking. -Well, you know what?
-别想了,快做点什麽 -为何都要我做? -Stop thinking and do something. -Why do l gotta do something?
-是你把他绑起来的 -总要有人替妈妈设想 -You the one that tied him up. -Well, somebody had to look out for Mama.
你开始出书以后 都是我在照顾妈的 l been looking out for Mom since you got your book deal,
你只会说大话 you pompous piece of shit.
你就是无法释怀,对吧? You just can't get over it, can you?
你嫉妒得要命 因为我离家做了你想做的事 You burning with jealousy, all because l left and did what you always wanted to do?
我不能就这样离开家人 l couldn't just leave my family.
我有爸妈,还有太太 我有太多责任了 l got Mom, l got Dad, l got a wife. l got all sorts of responsibilities.
别拿责任当藉口 Don't put it off on responsibility.
你花了三年写小说 却不让别人看 You spent three years on a novel, and you won't let anybody read it.
你要怎样?等到你死了? What you gonna do? Wait until you're dead?
你认为你会变成谁? 文学界的吐派克?马克维利? What you think you're gonna be, the Tupac of books? Makaveli?
至少我不会写一堆垃圾 什麽《妈妈的秘密》 At least l'm not some hack writing a bunch of crap, Mr. Mama's Secret.
那个秘密烂透了 The secret is it sucks.
《黑暗创伤》,读了才会重伤 Mr. Black Hurt, it hurts to read that shit.
总比你缴白卷好啊 你什麽也没有 Mr. No lnk. Mr. Blank Page. Ain't nothing there. Ain't nothing there.
至少我的作品出版了 At least my shit gets published.
就这样?只要出版就好? That's what it's about, just getting published?
-别碰我,亚伦 -我就要碰你 -Don't put your hand on me, Aaron. -l'll put my hand on you.
-别碰我,老兄 -我偏要碰 -Don't touch me, man. -l'll put my hand upside you.
-你真要... -我就爱动手 -ls that what you... -l'm a hands-on motherfucker.
你想怎样?揍我吗? 打我脸? What you wanna do, punch me? Punch me in the face?
不,我干嘛那样做 我可以这样啊 No. Why would l do that when l could do this?
-感觉怎样? -我的鸡鸡 -Here, look. How does that feel? -My ball. My ball.
我要告诉妈 l'm telling Mom.
-我要告诉妈 -不 -l'm telling Mom. -No, no.
别告诉妈妈!别告诉妈! Don't you tell Mama! Don't you tell Mama!
-亚伦,你错了 -我要揍扁你 -Aaron, you wrong. -l got your black hurt.
-我要... -亚伦 -l got your... -Aaron.
-别现在闹! -怎麽回事? -Go! Not now! -What is going on?
-去拿砖头来啊 -你们为什麽打架? -Get a brick or something. -Why are you acting like this?
-放开我,告诉她 -告诉我什麽? -Get off me. Tell her. -Tell me what?
-什麽? -过来 -What? -Come here.
记得穿皮夹克那傢伙吗? Remember the guy with the leatherjacket?
当然,是你爸的朋友 Of course, yeah, your father's friend.
我不知道怎麽告诉妳 但他和我爸是... Okay, l don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like him and Dad were...
很亲密的朋友 Were being intimate.
-他们有一腿,蜜雪儿 -不 -They were having sex, Michelle. -No.
-对 -不,和他?你确定? -Yeah. -No. With him? Are you sure?
-也许他乱掰... -我们很确定 -l mean, maybe he's here making the... -We're sure.
更糟的是 And what makes things worse
-这傢伙开口要三万元 -三万元? -is now this guy wants $30,000. -$30,000?
不然他要公开 他们在一起的照片 Or else he's gonna start showing pictures of them doing stuff.
-照片?哪种照片? -性爱照片 -Stuff? Like what kind of stuff? -Sex stuff.
我的天啊! Oh, my!
-好 -快! -Okay. -Quickly!
-我快大出来了 -等一下! -l got a goddamn torpedo coming down. -Wait a minute!
解开我裤子 解...帮我脱下来! Get my pants. Get my... Take my pants down!
-你自己脱啦! -我哪行?我是残障人士! -You do that by yourself! -No. How can l? l'm incapable!
我是该死的残障人士! 我的内裤、内裤 l'm goddamn handicapped! My drawers, my drawers.
-别留下我... -不,你说内裤? -Don't leave me here... -No, who calls them drawers?
我的内裤!快点! 好了没?快点,该死 My drawers! My drawers! Come on! Am l there? Come on. Shit.
等一下 Wait a minute.
-塞我嘴巴的死蛇 -等一下!等等! -That's the snake in my mouth. -Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
-不!我的手卡住了! -你的手怎麽会... -No! No! My hand is stuck! -How you get your hand...
-我喜欢加垫的马桶座 -不!我的手卡住了! -l love these padded seats. -No! No, my hand is stuck!
不,罗素叔公!拜託! No, Uncle Russell! Please!
拜託快洗掉,快洗掉 Please come off. Please come off, man.
怎麽会发生这种事? 天啊... How does something like that happen? Oh, my...
诺曼、诺曼! Norman. Norman!
杰夫,给我毛巾,拜託 Jeff, please, get me a towel. Please.
-什麽? -有个地方没洗到 -What? -You missed a spot.
不!不!天啊,不要! No! No! No! Please, God. No!
-诺曼,冷静下来 -不!不! -Norman. Norman, calm down. Calm down. -No! No!
我想我吃到一点了 l think l got some of it in my mouth.
诺曼!你冷静下来! Norman! Pull yourself together!
你宁可吃到大便 还是被逮捕?仔细想想 Would you rather be shitty-mouthed or get caught? Think.
你说得对 我要冷静下来 You right, you right. l'm gonna get myself together.
一切都很好 我会忘了嘴巴裡的大便 Everything is copastetic. l'm gonna forget about the poop in my mouth.
-我要暂时闭气 -不曾沾到那裡、不曾沾到 -l'm just gonna hold my breath for a second. -lt never was there, never was there.
-该死 -不好了 -Shit. -Oh, no.
他...他是怎麽... How the... How the... How the fuck did he...
-查看一下 -嘿,老兄? -Check him. -Hey, hey, hey. Hey, buddy?
嘿,你还好吗? Hey. Are you okay, man?
哦,惨了 Oh, shit.
-嘿,兄弟 -检查他情况 -Hey, buddy. -Check him.
-你还好吗? -醒醒,快醒醒,小傢伙 -You okay? -Wake up. Come on, wake up, little buddy.
-他叫什麽名字? -我不知道 -What's his name? -l don't know.
-赖瑞,试试看赖瑞 -赖瑞? -Larry, try Larry. -Larry?
摇醒他 Shake him.
-嘿,赖瑞? -快 -Hey, hey, Larry? -Come on.
-哟,赖瑞? -也许不叫赖瑞 -Yo, Larry? -Maybe it's not Larry.
试另一个名字 伯特、厄尼、大雕之类的 Try another one. Bert, Ernie, l don't know, Big Bird, whatever.
先看他有没有呼吸 l'm gonna check to see if he's breathing,
活人就会呼吸,对吧? 'cause that's what people do when they're alive, right?
我先检查他的呼吸 他一定要呼吸才行 l'm gonna check to make sure he's breathing, 'cause he's gotta be breathing.
上帝行行好,让他呼吸 他没有呼吸 Lord Jesus, please let him be breathing. He's not breathing.
-该死 -怎样? -Shit. -What?
他死了 He's dead.
我们就把一半的存款 给这个傢伙 We're just gonna give this guy half the money we saved.
-没那麽简单 -为什麽? -lt's not quite that simple. -Well, why not?
亚伦拒绝付钱 Aaron refused to pay.
-为什麽你不能付,莱恩? -这不是重点 -Well, how come you couldn't pay, Ryan? -That's not the point.
况且亚伦撕掉支票的唯一原因 Besides, the only reason Aaron tore up the check
是那个小矮人开始批评他的小说 is because little man was talking shit about his novel.
-嘿、嘿,不是 -等等,什麽? -Hey, hey, hey, hey, no. -Wait. What?
你的小说? Your novel?
你不让我读你的小说 却让那傢伙读? You won't let me read your novel, but you let that guy read your novel?
-我没让他看 -真的? -l didn't let him. -Really?
真的吗?亚伦? Really, Aaron? Really?
多谢你啊 Thanks a lot.
让她走,她会没事的 Let her go. She'll get over it.
嘿,至少那个白人 总算得到他该得的 Hey. At least that white guy finally got what he deserved.
让我搞清楚 Let me get this straight.
我们的爸爸 和一个小矮人有同志情 Our father was having gay sex with a guy that could fit in his pocket,
你生气却因为他是白人? and you're mad 'cause he's white?
我才不管... 放过我,我在哀悼耶 l don't give a fuck 'cause... Leave me be. l'm grieving.
哀悼 Grieving.
嘿 Hey, hi.
他又在干嘛? What the fuck is he doing now?
诺曼,你干嘛笑得像 路易斯阿姆斯壮? Norman. Why are you grinning like Louis Armstrong?
亚伦、莱恩 到书房来一下好吗? Aaron, Ryan, could you please come to the study?
有大便的味道 Smells like shit.
借过 Excuse me.
什麽?等一下 What? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
打电话叫救护车 快...叫救护车 Somebody call an ambulance. Get an... Get an ambulance.
这...这...没有用 lt's... lt's... There's no point.
你说没用是什麽意思? What do you mean, there's no point?
看看他,亚伦,他死了 l mean, look at him, Aaron. He's dead.
断气?死亡了? You mean, like dead dead?
-不然是哪种死?亚伦? -你们对他做了什麽? -ls there any other kind of dead, Aaron? -What did y'all do to him?
-没做什麽 -你们一定做了什麽 -We didn't do nothing. -Well, you must've done something.
我们离开时,他还活著 When we left, he was alive,
我回来他应该还要活著 and l was expecting to find him that way when l got back.
他和桌子打了一架 桌子赢了 He got in a fight with the table and the table won.
-这真糟 -对 -This is really bad. -Yeah.
-我们要怎麽办? -25年到无期徒刑 -Guys, what are we gonna do? -About 25 to life.
我还有事先走了 l think l have somewhere else to be right now.
嘿、嘿、嘿 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
莱恩,我不能进监狱,我不适合 Ryan, l can't go to jail. l'm not jail type.
你知道疹子在监狱内 会扩散多快吗? You know how fast a rash spreads in prison?
别胡扯了 这裡没有人认识这傢伙 Cut that shit out. No one here knows who this guy is.
没人知道他的名字 大家可能根本没注意到他 Nobody knows his name. They probably didn't even notice him.
没注意到他?他可是个侏儒 Didn't notice him? He's four fucking feet tall.
我们只要弄走尸体 All we gotta do is get rid of the body.
-就像他来过又走了 -怎麽做? -lt'll be like he came and left. -What are you gonna do,
上网找分类广告? put it on Craigslist?
我花了两个月才清掉旧沙发! Takes me two months to get rid of a couch!
等等 Wait.
有人看过艾德华叔叔的棺材尺寸吗? Did anybody see the size of Uncle Edward's coffin?
你要把他和我们的爸爸葬在一起? You wanna bury him with our father?
为什麽不行? 又没有人会注意到 l mean, why not? lt's not like anybody's gonna notice.
-拜託 -等等 -Come on. -Wait a minute.
你必须承认可行,亚伦 你想想看 You gotta admit it makes sense, Aaron. l mean, think about it.
棺材在这裡,墓地挖好洞了 The coffin's here, the hole's in the ground.
除非你有更好的建议,老哥 l mean, unless you got a better suggestion, big bro.
我说埋了这个混蛋吧 l say we bury the motherfucker.
真有趣,不管妳怎麽说 不管妳说几次 lt's funny. No matter what you say or how many times you say it,
我还是确信 我们会厮守在一起 l'm still convinced that we're gonna wind up together.
我们都会犯错,不是吗? Well, we all make mistakes, don't we?
伊莲,我是认真的 人只能活一次,对吧? Elaine, l'm serious. You only live once. All right?
所以该尽一切可能 去追求让你快乐的事 So, you might as well do whatever it is that's gonna make you the most happy.
也许我已经找到 值得我关心的事物 Maybe l found something outside of myself that l truly care about.
也许你也该这样,德瑞克 And maybe you should, too, Derek.
我不是在说我爸爸,或他的钱 And l'm not talking about my father or his money.
嗯,那真是... 冷淡到不行 Well, that's just... That's just downright cold.
-我关心妳,伊莲 -不,德瑞克,你只关心自己 -l care about you, Elaine. -You don't, Derek. You care about you.
你关心我是因为 我会影响到你 You care about me in relation to how l affect you.
不对,伊莲,我配得上你,我可以 Not true, Elaine. l deserve you. l do.
-快醒醒吧 -我说真的 -Get over yourself. -l'm serious.
这傢伙有什麽特别? 他有什麽是我没有的? What is it about this guy? What does he have that l don't?
不够成功,对不对? Not success, right? Right?
举个例子,他很关心 Well, for one thing, he's caring.
-少来 -你不肯走过房间 -Come on. -You wouldn't cross a room
去帮助有需要的人 to help somebody in need,
-但奥斯卡就会 -少来 -and that's all Oscar ever does. -Come on.
他帮助别人,他很贴心 He helps people. He's considerate.
-细心周到,他很可靠 -是吗? -He's thoughtful. He's stable. -Yeah?
他有许多优点 是你从来没有的 He's a bunch of things that you will never be.
-像脱光坐在屋顶 -什麽? -Like naked on the roof. -What?
天啊 Boy.
天啊!奥斯卡! Oh, my God! Oscar!
听我说,我几个小时前 就该这麽做了 Listen to me, l should've done this hours ago.
你在做什麽? What are you doing?
-我不知道,但过来 -住手!不要! -l don't know, but come here. -Stop it! No!
-伊莲?天啊 -放开我 -Elaine? Oh, God. -Get off me!
-伊莲! -天啊! -Elaine! -Oh, my God!
-我很认真 -奥斯卡! -Seriously. -Oscar!
奥斯卡,没事的,你在做什麽? Oscar, it's okay. What are you doing?
-本来会很棒的,伊莲... -奥斯卡! -Could've had something beautiful, Elaine... -Oscar!
...但妳偏要毁了它 没有流血,妳打人就像女孩 ...but you had to ruin it. Not even bleeding. You hit like a girl.
奥斯卡!你在做什麽! Oscar! What are you doing?
-我在做什麽? -你在做什麽? -What am l doing? -What are you doing?
-我看到妳亲他 -不! -l saw you kissing him. -No!
-不,我没亲他! -有,我看到了 -No, l wasn't kissing him! -Yes, l just saw it.
-妳刚亲他! -不,我没亲他 -You just kissed him! -No, l didn't kiss him,
-我发誓 -还有,伊莲 -l swear to you. -One more thing, Elaine.
-妳是个骗子 -住口,你滚! -You're a cheater. -Shut up and get out of here!
她偷人,我要跳楼 She cheated on me. l'm gonna jump.
-不!亲爱的!冷静下来 -对,我要去找诺曼 -No! Honey! Honey, please, calm down. -That's it. l'm gonna go talk to Norman.
你们正适合彼此 You guys are perfect for each other.
-你受到药物影响 -我要跳 -You have drugs in your system. -l'm gonna jump.
奥斯卡,不要! Oscar. No!
奥斯卡,回来!拜託你,亲爱的! Oscar, get back here! Honey, please!
-我要跳了 -奥斯卡,你会受伤的 -l'm gonna jump. -Oscar, you're gonna hurt yourself.
奥斯卡!我的天啊! Oscar! Oh, my God!
-奥斯卡,你还好吗? -我很好 -Oscar, are you okay? -l'm fine, l'm okay.
你们真像蚂蚁啊,糟了 Look at all you ants. Shit.
糟了,这裡好高,天啊 Shit, this is high up. Jesus Christ.
我们怎麽把他弄进棺材? So, how we gonna get him to the coffin?
用你带来的LV包包如何? What about that Louis Vuitton bag you brought?
裡面可以装两个他 We could fit two of him in there.
亚伦,放下我们的恩怨,好吗? 大家一起想想 You know, Aaron, this ain't about us. Okay? Come on, y'all, think.
-应该把他放进洗衣袋 -哇 -We should smuggle him in the laundry bag. -Wow.
监狱电影都是这样的演的 Like they do in the prison movies.
-诺曼,是德瑞克,让我进去 -糟了! -Norman, it's Derek, let me in. -Shit!
-好,把他放到浴室 -诺曼! -All right, let's put him in the bathroom. -Norman!
-等等! -诺曼 -Hold on! -Norman.
等等!我在找裤子! Hold on! l'm trying to find my pants!
-什麽裤子? -等一下! -What pants? -Hold on!
快开门,紧急状况 Man, open the door. lt's an emergency.
-诺曼,拜託让我进去 -可恶 -Norman, please, let me in. -Shit.
搞什麽?亚伦? What the hell? Aaron?
罗素叔公在厕所干什麽? What the hell's Uncle Russell doing in the toilet?
-他要上大号! -我不管,不能在裡面,现在不行 -He had to go! -l don't care, not in there, not now.
-你是怎麽了? -所以我才沾到老人屎... -What the hell's wrong with you? -That's how l got old man poop...
亚伦?开门,让我进去 Aaron? Open the door. Let me in.
-嘿 -嘿,亚伦 -Hey, hey. -Hey, Aaron.
我必须找诺曼谈谈 l gotta talk to Norman right now.
对,我在这裡,什麽事? Yeah, l'm here. What's up?
嘿,是奥斯卡 他疯了,他站在... Hey, man, it's Oscar. He went crazy. He's up...
-这裡是怎麽回事? -没事,怎样? -The hell's going on in here? -Nothing. What?
是奥斯卡,他疯了 他跑到屋顶,还全裸 lt's Oscar, man. He went crazy. He's up on the roof, stark naked.
他看到我亲伊莲 现在他威胁要跳楼 He saw me kissing Elaine and now he's threatening to jump.
-你亲了伊莲? -对,我说她和我相爱过的 -You were kissing Elaine? -Yeah, l told you she was in love with me.
-惨了! -怎样? -Shit! -What?
我...我必须走了 l gotta... l gotta go.
-喂,等等,你要去哪裡? -莱恩,如果他跳了 -Whoa, hold up. Where you going, big boy? -Ry, Ry, if he jumps,
我姊会杀了我 my sister's gonna kill me.
你知道我不会落跑 但我必须走了,亚伦 You know l wouldn't jump ship, but l gotta go. Aaron, l'm out.
可恶!我要走了,锁上门 别害死任何人 Shit! l gotta go. Lock up. Don't kill anybody.
-她背著我偷人!就是那女孩! -拜託你下来,宝贝 -She's cheating on me! That girl right there. -Please, come down, baby.
-我要跳楼了 -奥斯卡,你在做什麽? -l'm gonna jump now. -Oscar. Oscar, what are you doing?
-她欺骗我! -奥斯卡 -She cheated on me! -Oscar.
我没有!是他亲我的! l didn't do anything! He kissed me!
奥斯卡!想办法下来 Oscar! Try to get down.
请你下来,宝贝 Please, come down, baby.
-我不希望你受伤 -我看到妳亲他了 -l don't want you to hurt yourself. -l saw you kissing him,
当著我的面偷人 那算什麽? cheating on me right in front of me. What was that?
-我们进来再谈好吗? -骗子、骗子,德瑞克爱吃鬼 -Can we just talk about it in here? -Cheater, cheater, Derek eater,
-有个爸爸又如何 -奥斯卡,拜託! -had a dada, something, something. -Oscar, please!
妳安静,妖女! 骗子不会赢的,赢家不骗人的 You be quiet, Jezebel! Cheaters never win, winners never cheat.
-我要上去 -不,小姐 -l'm coming up. -No, ma'am.
你不肯进来 You don't wanna come back inside,
-我只好上去 -伊莲,这是男人的事! -so l'm coming up. -Elaine, this is a man's job!
-妳不能...别上来! -不要去!妳在干什麽? -You can't... Don't come up here! -Don't do that! What are you doing?
-伊莲、伊莲! -妳敢上来,我就跳下去 -Elaine. Elaine! -You come up here, l'm jumping.
再靠近一步,我... 我就从屋顶跳下去 One more step, l'm... l'm jumping off this roof.
-伊莲! -伊莲 -Elaine! -Elaine.
-伊莲! -别靠近!我要跳了 -Elaine! -Don't come up here! l'm gonna jump.
妳在干嘛?伊莲! What are you doing? Elaine!
-嘿 -嘿! -Hey. -Hey!
-天啊,你现在又干嘛? -嘿、嘿 -God, what are you doing now? -Hey, hey, hey.
我想我能摆脱这傢伙 但我需要妳待在外面 l think l can get rid of this guy, but l need you to stay out here
别让任何人进来,好吗? and make sure that nobody comes in, okay?
好、好,我尽力而为 Okay, fine, fine, fine. l'll do what l can.
-不过听好了,你欠我一次 -好 -But, listen, you owe me. -Okay.
-欠很大 -好,精子全给妳 -Big time. -Okay, okay, all the sperm you want.
-要多少给多少 -对,拜託 -All the sperm you want. -Yeah, please.
-不要 -所有的精子、所有的精子 -Don't. -All the sperm l want. All the sperm l want.
好 Okay.
-是谁? -亚伦 -Who is it? -lt's Aaron.
不然是谁?开门 Who do you think it is? Open the door.
大家都在外面 我们现在就搬走尸体 Everybody's outside. We gotta move this body right now.
-好,动手吧 -来吧 -Well, let's do it. -Let's go for it.
-让我举起手臂 -来吧 -Let me get my arms up. -Come on. Come on.
-你抓那边? -轻点、轻点 -You got that? -Be gentle, be gentle.
虽然他死了,不表示不会瘀青 Just because he's dead don't mean he can't bruise.
-他个子小,却重得要命 -你要把他转过来 -He's small, but he's heavy as shit. -You turn him around this way.
-来,你先走 -小心头 -Come on. You go first. -Be careful with his head.
-好 -小心他的头 -All right. -Be careful with his head.
真希望爸挑个更小的男人 l wish Dad would've picked a smaller guy.
快点 Quick.
快 You got it. Come on.
你行的,快点
-别让人进来 -好 -Make sure no one comes in. -Okay.
你在这裡啊,年轻的弟兄 Hey there, young fellow.
-嘿,牧师! -哪裡有电话呢? -Hey, Reverend! -You think l can find a phone somewhere?
我有事想问你 There's something l wanna ask you.
你在几岁的时候 决定奉献给教堂 At what age did you decide to get your church on?
小心、小心 Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out.
-我需要打电话 -那真酷 -l really need to use the phone. -That's cool.
-裡面有电话吗? -不,裡面没有 -Was there one inside here? -No, there's no one inside there,
但我必须忏悔 but l need to make a confession.
-我不是神父 -没关係,我不是天主教徒! -l'm not a priest. -That's all right, 'cause l'm not a Catholic!
只是我触犯一些宗教规范 lt's just that, l know that l've been touched in some religious fashion.
我迷上脱衣俱乐部 l'm addicted to strip clubs.
那个味道、钢管、妊娠纹 剖腹产的疤痕 The smell, the pole, the stretch marks, the C-section scars.
我没嚐过鲜奶油 完全没有!因为我有糖尿病 l didn't know nothing about whip cream. Nothing! l didn't even... 'Cause l'm diabetic,
如果我吃得不对 吃到鲜奶油,我会发作的 so if l eat whip cream in the wrong place, l'm gonna break out.
-抓稳了? -好了 -Got him? -Got him.
不能把他放成这样 We can't just leave him like this.
不过话说回来 这可能是他爱的姿势 Well, in a strange way, this might be what he wanted.
拜託,你可以偶尔正经一下吗? Come on, man. You can't be serious for one damn second?
算了,老弟 莱恩只会耍嘴皮子 Just forget it, man. That's just more Ryan bullshit.
你为什麽要这样说? Why you gotta say shit like that?
你就不能试著微笑面对 享受生活吗? Why don't you try laughing, enjoying life?
偶尔随性一下 Be spontaneous for once.
你可能会成为更好的作家 lt might make you a better writer.
-说完了? -对,说完了 -You done? -Yeah, l'm done.
动手吧 Let's do this.
只是灯光照在我身上 四周都是天使 Just this light came down on me, and there was angels,
-但穿得像脱衣女郎 -听著 -but they were dressed like strippers. -Look, look,
我真的必须打电话 有个人站在屋顶 l really need to make a phone call. There's a man outside on the roof
-他要跳楼 -别担心 -and he's about to jump. -Don't worry about it.
-他会开心一跃,等我先... -等等,嘿! -He gonna be jumping forjoy after l get... -Wait, wait, hey!
可是牧师,我还没说完 But, Reverend, l haven't finished telling you.
-我在脱衣俱乐部遇到莎朗达 -我们来祷告 -l met Shalawnda in the strip club. -Let's pray.
再见,爸 Bye, Dad.
-奥斯卡... -别再靠近我 -Oscar... -Don't come any closer,
-不然我就跳下去 -我爱你,我只爱你一个 -or l'm gonna jump off this roof. -l love you. l only love you.
-那妳和他搞什麽? -我没有 -What were you doing with him, then? -l wasn't with him.
-我看到妳和他热吻 -是他强吻我! -l saw you kissing him passionately. -He kissed me!
不重要了,反正我总是不够好 lt doesn't matter. l'll never be good enough.
-那不是真的 -妳爸永远觉得我不够好 -That's not true. -l'll never be good enough for your father.
-我永远配不上妳 -宝贝,进来裡面 -l'm never gonna be good enough for you. -Baby, come inside, please.
-不,妳进去 -你必须跟我进去 -No, you go inside. -You have to come with me.
为什麽? Why should l?
因为你要当爸爸了 Because you're gonna be a father.
-我怀孕了? -不 -l'm pregnant? -No.
-我怀孕了 -妳也怀孕了? -l'm pregnant. -You're pregnant, too?
对,我们怀孕了 Yes. We're pregnant.
-我们有宝宝了? -对 -We're gonna have a baby? -Yeah.
真的? Really?
宝贝,你吓死我了,别这样 Baby, you scared me. Don't do that.
我们有宝宝了! We're having a baby!
-这下可好了 -没关係 -Great. -lt's okay.
真希望有人让我也怀一个 l wish somebody would give me a baby.
你搞砸了,小子! You blew it, son!
这...我也很难过啊 This is... lt's upsetting for me, too.
我去看看辛西雅 l'm gonna go check on Cynthia.
亚伦?快点!大家要进去了! Aaron? Hurry up! People are coming inside!
亚伦!他走了吗? Aaron! ls he gone?
-好像是 -那没事了? -Looks like it. -Well, everything's cool?
一切都没事了... Everything's cool. lt's...
-没事 -对 -Cool. -Yeah.
-可以走了吗? -嗯 -Can we go now? -Yeah.
-好 -好 -Okay. -Okay.
我的天! Oh, my God!
奥斯卡,抓好!天啊! Oscar, hold on! Oh, my God!
亲爱的,哦,糟糕 Honey. Oh, shit.
-杰夫! -死了! -Jeff! -Fuck!
-杰夫!快帮我! -待...待在那边别动! -Jeff! Jeff, help me, please! -Stay... Stay right... Stay right there!
-伊莲,别动! -小心,他吃错药了 -Elaine, stay right there! -Be careful, he's on something.
-我来 -好吗? -l got him, l got him. -Okay?
有人上去了,不会有事的 Someone's coming up. You're gonna be fine.
-杰夫! -我快滑掉了 -Jeff! -l'm slipping, l'm slipping.
努力爬上来! Pull yourself back up!
杰夫!快点! Jeff! Jeff, hurry up!
-用力爬上来! -我办不到 -Pull yourself back up! -Okay, l can't do it.
-谁来帮我,拜託! -救救我! -Somebody, help me, please! -Help me!
-杰夫! -杰夫! -Jeff! -Jeff!
-奥斯卡,我来了! -快点 -Oscar, l'm coming! -Come on.
奥斯卡! Oscar!
宝贝,快帮我,我抓不住你 Baby, please, help me, help me. l can't hold you.
-那是谁? -我抓住他了 -Who's that? -l got him. l got him.
-是杰夫! -杰夫? -Jeff! lt's Jeff! -Jeff?
我的男子气概如今受到考验 My manhood is being questioned right now.
快...快点 Just... Come on.
-你抓住他了? -对,贴著我的脸 -You have him? -Yeah, it's on my cheek.
-好,我要放手了! -贴著我的脸,伊莲 -Okay. l'm letting go now! -lt's on my cheek, Elaine.
-你安全了,杰夫抓著你 -他真是天生雄伟 -You're okay, Jeff has you. -He's incredibly endowed.
我需要帮忙,拜託 l could use some help here, please.
-对 -我抓住你了,老兄 -Yeah. -l got you, buddy.
-妳好美 -我爱你 -You're so beautiful. -Okay, l love you.
我爱妳! l love you!
嗨,辛西雅小姐 Hi, Miss Cynthia.
诺曼 Norman.
是你吗? ls that you?
亚伦? Aaron?
-亚伦,丧礼真的该继续了 -我去找牧师 -Aaron, l really think we should start again. -l'll get the reverend.
莱恩,多谢你让一切回复正轨 Ryan, thank you so much for getting things back on track.
我真高兴你在这裡 l am really so glad you're here.
罗素叔公呢? Where's Uncle Russell?
我觉得好多了 l'm starting to feel better.
-很好 -谢谢妳,还有你 -Good. -Thanks to you. And you.
还有你,杰夫 And you, Jeff. Thank you.
谢谢你,杰夫 Thank you, Jeff.
-你真勇敢 -嘿,哇 -That was very brave. -Hey. Whoa, whoa.
听好了,无意冒犯 但你和我绝不要再有肢体碰触 Listen, no offense, but, like, me and you can't never touch again.
-好 -好 -Okay. -Okay.
-杰夫 -没事了 -Jeff. -All right.
谢谢 Thank you.
我现在该去买一大盒爽口糖 l need to go get, like, a big-ass Tic Tac right now.
天啊,哦,宝贝 Oh, God. Oh, baby.
-哦,惨了 -杰夫... -Oh, shit. -Jeff...
抱歉,爸,我只是... 我现在有点脆弱 l'm sorry, Dad. l'm just... l'm just real vulnerable right now.
釦子都扣好了? Do you have those buttons there?
-对 -好 -Yeah. -Okay.
-伊莲 -爸 -Elaine. -Dad.
-谢天谢地妳没事 -对,我们没事 -Thank God you're safe. -Yes. We're good.
你这白痴 你到底有什麽毛病? And you. You imbecile. What the hell is wrong with you?
离我女儿远一点 Stay away from my daughter.
-听著,爸 -伊莲,妳别管 -Look, Dad... -Elaine, stay out of this.
不!我不能不管 这是我的生活 No! l'm not gonna stay out of it. This is my life.
我很遗憾你不喜欢 但我要告诉你 You don't like it, too bad. But l'm gonna tell you something.
如果你不想失去我和我的孩子 lf you wanna have me and my child in your life,
最好改变你的态度,懂吗? you better change your attitude. You got that?
-我爱你 -我的小女儿 -l love you. -My little girl.
对 Yeah.
我也爱你,爸 l love you, too, Dad.
这裡是怎麽回事? What the fuck's going on in here?
-抱歉,罗素叔公 -对,很抱歉 -Sorry, Uncle Russell. -Yeah, sorry about that.
有人跑上屋顶 我们必须救他下来 Somebody was on the roof, and we just had to get him off.
好,你的裤子在这裡 来吧 Okay, l got your pants. l got your pants. Hold on.
这不重要 你们拖进来的尸体呢? Never mind that. What about that dead body you dragged in here?
-什麽... -尸体? -What... -Dead body?
-没有尸体 -嘿,别唬我! -No dead body. -Hey, don't mess with me!
我住在老人安养院 看到尸体还会不认得啊 l know a dead man when l see one. l live in a goddamn retirement home.
快走,可恶 这屋子好臭,该死! Let's go, God damn it. lt smells in this room. Shit!
-你的...皮肤还好吧? -我不知道 -How's the... How's the skin thing? -l don't know.
我比较在乎大便的味道 你闻得到吗? l'm more concerned with the shit smell. Can you tell?
对,不过你手上的东西 只要倒一点醋 Yeah, yeah, but the thing on your hand, you just put a little vinegar on it.
就可以马上洗掉了 祖传的秘方 That'll clear it right up. lt's an old family secret.
大便的事,我就帮不上忙了 The shit thing, l can't help you with.
我会建议冲个澡,或泡澡 l would recommend a shower or a bath.
-谢谢 -不客气 -Thanks. -You're welcome.
-伊莲的事很遗憾 -没关係 -l'm sorry about the whole Elaine thing, man. -lt's okay.
你听到她怀孕了吗? 你能想像我当爸爸吗? Did you hear she's gonna have a kid? Can you see me as a dad?
-不行 -不行 -No. -No.
嗯,今天真够疯狂的 Well, this shit's been crazy.
有人从棺材掉出来 有人跑上屋顶 You have people falling out of the casket, you got people hanging off the roof.
钥匙给我好吗? 我想去车上等 Can l have the keys? l'm gonna go wait in the car.
-什麽? -我只是累了 -What? -l'm just tired.
-好 -好 -Okay. -Okay.
嘿 Hey.
-爱你 -我也爱你 -Love you. -Hey, l love you, too.
我看到他!他死了! l saw him! He was dead!
-我知道,罗素叔公,我们都看到了 -可恶 -l know you did, Uncle Russell. We all did. -Shit.
不,笨蛋,我说浴室那个 在浴室那个死了 No, dumbshit. ln the bathroom. He was in the bathroom dead.
今天真是场恶梦 l cannot believe what a nightmare today has been.
我不知道,像这样的丧礼 还挺刺激的 l don't know, l think it's kind of exciting. For a funeral.
-听著,关于稍早的事... -我知道,我们会解决的 -Listen, about that stuff earlier, l... -l know, we'll work it out.
-同意吗? -同意 -Agreed? -Agreed.
我们先熬过这天吧 Let's just get through this day
然后再来担心 我们的下半辈子 and then we'll worry about the rest of our lives.
在我发现那麽多事以后 l still have to give this eulogy.
我还是要上台致词 After everything l found out.
我们真的该开始了 We've really got to get this damn thing started.
听著,我们要快点了结此事 孩子 Look, we're gonna have to zip through this thing now, son.
我已经错过一场丧礼和两场洗礼了 l mean, l've already missed a funeral and two christenings.
-对,当然...我们开始吧 -好,你想打开棺材吗? -Yeah, yeah, sure. Let's... Let's start. -Okay. You want a open casket?
-不! -不 -No! -No.
好 All right.
请各位就座了 Everybody in their seats now.
-戴帽子那个? -啥? -You with the hat? -Yeah?
坐下来 Sit on down.
我想替这家人的行为道歉 Now, l'd like to apologize on behalf of the family
发生这麽多插曲 for all of the distractions.
长子亚伦想说几句话 聊聊他的父亲 Aaron, the oldest son, would like to say a few words about his father.
谢谢 Thank you.
好的 Okay.
"我的父亲是杰出的人 "My father was an exceptional man.
"他生于19..." "He was born in 1 9..."
-现在又发生什麽事? -裡面有人 -What the hell is going on now? -There's someone in there.
我就知道!我就知道! l knew it! l knew it!
"他生于1930..." "He was born in 1 930..."
惨了 Shit.
惨了
搞什麽啊! What the fuck!
你在我爸的棺材裡面做什麽? What the fuck you doing in my father's coffin?
艾德华,我想你! Edward, l miss you!
让我和艾德华在一起! Leave me with my Edward!
我的照片,我美丽的回忆! My picture. My beautiful memories!
不,妈妈,不要,给我... No, Mama, don't. Give me...
你这混蛋! You bastard!
我父亲! My father!
我父亲是一位杰出的人 My father was an exceptional man.
他有没有缺点? Did he have his faults?
有 Yeah.
但他为了家庭努力工作 But he worked hard for his family.
今天我只想做一件事 All l wanted to do today
就是告诉他我们有多爱他 珍惜他、尊敬他 was tell him how much we all loved, cherished and respected him.
这个要求太过分吗? ls that really too much to ask for?
也许他比大多数男人 更爱看Dreamgirls So, maybe he loved Dreamgirls more than most men.
不过人生很複杂 But, hey, life is complicated.
我们都尽力了 We do our best.
我爸也尽力了 And Dad, he did his best.
他做过一件事 One thing he did
就是教我们追逐梦想 was teach us to chase after our dreams.
所以当你们今天离开以后 So, when you leave here today,
我要你们记住我爸爸 他真实的样子 l want you to remember my father for who he truly was,
一位充满爱心、仁慈的好男人 他不曾批评别人 a loving, kind, gentle man, that neverjudged anyone,
他不曾口出恶言 who never cast disparaging remarks
或是对任何种族、宗教、性别 or held prejudice against any race, creed, gender,
身高有偏见 or height.
如果我能有我爸爸的一半 And if l turn out to be just half the man that my father was,
那麽我和我美丽太太 一直想生的孩子 then the child l'm planning on having with my beautiful wife
就非常幸运了 will be truly blessed.
谢谢 Thank you.
做得好,孩子 Well done, son.
说得真好,孩子 lt's gonna be good, boy.
做得好 Good job.
奥斯卡,别又来了 Oscar, let's not do this again.
我一直觉得他有点娘 l always thought he had a little sugar in his tank.
嘿,妈还好吧? Hey, how's Mom holding up?
她很好,在休息了 She's good. Resting.
要她接受可能还要一点时间... You know, it's gonna take a while for her to accept Dad was...
你知道 You know.
她会没事的 She'll be okay.
你给老爸的悼词很棒呢 你自己写的? You know, that was a pretty good send-off you gave the old man. You wrote that?
有人教我要随性一点 Some guy l met told me l need to be spontaneous.
对,爸会以你为荣的 我也一样 Yeah, well, Dad would've been proud. l know l was.
也许等你准备好 你会让我看看你的小说 Maybe when you're ready, you'll let me take a look at that novel of yours.
好 Yeah.
-好,我下星期寄给你 -好耶 -Yeah, l'm gonna send it to you next week. -All right.
-但蜜雪儿要先看 -好 -But you know Michelle gotta read it first. -Okay.
我不要再经历一次 l'm not going through that again.
好,谢了,老哥 All right. Well, thanks, big bro.
你确定不要多待一天? Sure you don't wanna stay another day?
有场湖人队的球赛哦 Got a good Laker game coming up.
-你最爱的寇比 -不要了 -Your boy, Kobe. -No.
我会觉得很难过,或碍手碍脚的 l'd just be feeling sad or be in the way.
你知道那种感觉 可能还是回去比较好 You know how it is. Probably gonna get on back.
做我的事,继续哀悼 You know, do my thing. Still gotta grieve.
我也是 Me, too.
怎麽?你弟弟要去机场 What? A brother's gotta get to the airport.
少来,你最好确定 你不会进监狱 Come on, you better make sure you don't go to jail first.
-嘿 -莱恩 -Hey. -Ryan.
-嫂子 -宝贝,听著 -Sis. -Baby, listen,
-别这麽久不联络,好吗? -不会了,走了,老哥 -don't stay away so long next time, okay? -l sure won't. All right, bro.
嘿,下个丧礼见 Hey, next funeral.
-我爱你 -我也爱你 -Love you, man. -Love you, too, man.
哇,有人来接他呢 Wow, l see he got his ride.
对,劳凯利也是利用辣妹接送 Yeah. R. Kelly used the same car service.
像糖一样甜呢 Just like candy.
我累坏了,真是漫长的一天 l am worn out. This has been a long day.
漫长到不行 A long, long day.
-你知道吗? -怎样? -And guess what? -What?
现在我有兴趣了 Now l'm interested.
妈妈不在、没有客人 没有罗素叔公 No Mama. No guests. No Uncle Russell.
-罗素叔公呢? -他在楼上 -Where's Uncle Russell? -He's upstairs.
我给他吃了几颗安定 送他上床睡觉了 l gave him a couple Valium and put him to bed.
什麽? What?
该死 Shit. Man.
四周真是绿到不行 Everything's so fucking green.